FLARE VERSION
Quite some time ago, I became enamored with a Pokemon parody known as Pokebattles (www.pokebattles.com) by Jason Ross. Much like others, I decided to write a few of my own, which turned into my own "Version", Flare Version. While a lot of it was amateurish due to my young age, I've decided to re-write it (and thereby improving the quality) and post it here on my blog for others to enjoy. You can get to the complete Flare Version archive here.
Introduce more characters while other characters continue to be neglected? Why not? In Battle 82, the Flare Version world is visited by Explorers from the U.S.S. Enterprise. When the evil Narrator abducts Jean-Luc Picard, Worf, Data, and Riker, will they be able to figure a way back to their ship? ...Of course not, but they can try for the sake of our entertainment. While trying to find a way off this alien world, they also have some run-ins with the newly allied Empire that is wrecking havoc on Sinnoh...
Narrator text
Player text
God text
Battle #81, Empires Collide
Location: Sinnoh News HQ
Player: Chris the Giant Doombot [12-4]
(Pokemon Lineup: FRENCHWHORE, BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON, RALTS, DARKMAGICIAN [dead], IT, 999 UFOS, DARTH VICK)
ROWAN screams like a LITTLE GIRL!
Will you please... stop screaming...!
My audio sensors... they burn!!
ROWAN wants to KNOW if you are here to KILL THEM!
Of course!
ROWAN screams like a LITTLE GIRL!
FOR THE LOVE OF EVIL!
GIANT DOOMBOT used LASER CANNON!
ROWAN fainted!
Finally... now... Emperor Ed...
EMPEROR ED used the REVIVE!
ROWAN was revived!
ROWAN screams like a LITTLE GIRL!
Aaarrggh!!!
It's super effective!
That is it!
GIANT DOOMBOT used SILENCE BEAM!
ROWAN was MUTED!
Thank god... Now, Emperor Ed! Prepare to meet the wrath of I, Professor Doom!
EMPEROR ED suggests they JOIN FORCES!
Sorry, not interested.
EMPEROR ED said that without ROWAN and it, GIANT DOOMBOT will have a HARD TIME keeping the WORLD CONQUERED!
Explain.
EMPEROR ED: You see, trying to conquer the entire world through brute force leaves the door open to several rebellions at once. It would be a non-stop struggle! You would never be able to enjoy the empire that you built!
Perhaps... how can you idiots help me?
EMPEROR ED: We represent the two ways to keep the population in line! I control the largest News network in the world... And Rowan is the leader of a religion, the easiest way to form mindless followers! Why... with your sheer force, and our manipulation, we could form the greatest Empire known to exist!
I'm severely depressed what you just said made sense and makes me want to kill you less.
But... this empire cannot have two emperors, I won't allow it!
EMPEROR ED: And what makes you want to be Emperor? Being Emperor means you will constantly have to deal with the people, and won't get any rest or reap any benefits of your conquest. Leave me as a puppet Emperor to manage the mundane details and any changes you want made, I will make made. You would be the man with the ultimate power, but without the responsibilities!
The more you talk, the more and more I like you. I accept your terms.
EMPEROR ED: Excellent!
Now then... go out for Pizza while we discuss our plans?
EMPEROR ED: Sure! I know a great place at...
WAIT!
What?
NARRATOR wanted to see a POKeMON BATTLE!
NARRATOR only got a BORING SPEECH and a NEW ALLIANCE!
NARRATOR wants KILLING and BLOODSHED and DESTRUCTION!
I think I can help you with that, Narrator.
Location: Sandgem Town
This won't take long. Meet me at the Pizza parlor in an hour.
EMPEROR ED: Okay!
EMPEROR ED and ROWAN disappeared!
Now then...
GIANT DOOMBOT used DOOM CANNONs!
BUILDINGS were all BLOWN UP!
Hah! Fire, fire, BURN, DOOOOM!
MEN, WOMEN, and CHILDREN are retreating!
Leave no survivors! Show all civilians the merciless hand of the Empire!
GIANT DOOMBOT used MACHINE GUNS!
MEN, WOMEN, and CHILDREN were MOWED DOWN!
Mwahahahahahaahahah!
Scanning for survivors...
GIANT DOOMBOT used SCAN!
WOMAN and INFANT retreating to the NORTH!
MAN retreating to SOUTH!
Hmm... I should leave one of them alive to tell of the great merciless destruction here... how to decide which...
I know! I'll activate my Target Selection AI.
GIANT DOOMBOT used TARGET SELECTION AI!
WOMAN and INFANT worth a combined 1,000 POINTS!
MAN worth 400 POINTS!
I see...
GIANT DOOMBOT used DOOM MISSLE!
ROUTE 202 was COMPLETELY DESTROYED!
WOMAN and INFANT died HORRIBLE PAINFUL DEATHS!
Excellent... I wonder what my current score is now?
SCORE: 5,604,788
Damn... still around 400,000 away from that Gold Achievement...
GIANT DOOMBOT is a HORRIBLE PERSON!
I know. Is your thirst for violence and bloodshed met?
GIANT DOOMBOT has greatly EXCEEDED the NARRATOR's THIRST!
GIANT DOOMBOT's EVIL exceeds even the NARRATOR's!
Glad to hear it... now to discuss strategy with my new minions... err.. partners, I guess.
I'll probably end up backstabbing them eventually anyway. With a Doom cannon. Heh.
BATTLE used END!
Battle #82, Where No Man has Gone Before
Location: U.S.S. Enterprise
Player: Jean-Luc Picard [no record yet]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)
WORF: Entering the Pokemon System now, Captain.
Excellent, Mr. Worf!
We have traced down the strange anomaly coming from Pokemon-3, an inhabited pre-warp society. Star Fleet has its investigation as a chief priority.
WORF: Yes sir! Entering orbit of Pokemon-3 now, sir.
Excellent, Mr. Worf.
WORF: We should proceed with caution. Star Fleet reports that there are strange alien creatures that inhabit this planet along with their humanoid population, who are very human-like.
#1, compile your away team. As a human, you shouldn't have much trouble blending in.
RIKER: Yes, sir. Worf, Data, you're with me.
WORF: I will meet you at 0800 in Transporter Pad 2 after talking to Doctor Crusher about facial reconstruction.
DATA: Understood.
I'll be in my ready room of anyone needs me.
DATA: Very well, Captain.
Location: Captain's Ready Room
Tea, Earl Grey, hot.
REPLICATOR used REPLICATE!
EARL GREY TEA appeared!
Wait, who is that?
PICARD looks around!
I know someone is in here...!
NARRATOR wants to know if you mean IT!
Yes... who are you?
NARRATOR is the NARRATOR!
NARRATOR lives on the PLANET below!
And... how did you get here?
NARRATOR sensed PEOPLE entering its DOMAIN!
Your domain?
NARRATOR said CORRECT!
NARRATOR is an INCORPOREAL VOICE that NARRATES and DETERMINES EVENTS!
I see... well, you are obviously a very unique and rare life-form... Are you perhaps related to the Q?
NARRATOR wants to know what a Q is!
NARRATOR thought Q was a LETTER in the ALPHABET!
I suppose not.
I wonder if... could you be strange anomaly we were reading on this planet?
NARRATOR said its POSSIBLE!
NARRATOR isn't quite SURE since it doesn't know TECHNOBABBLE!
So... where did you come from? How did you get here?
NARRATOR is getting ANNOYED with PICARD's QUESTIONS!
NARRATOR doesn't KNOW where it CAME FROM!
NARRATOR just EXISTS!
Well I'm very sorry.
You see, we are explorers. Our main mission is to seek out new worlds and forms of life. However, if you'd rather have nothing to do with us, we will leave and not return.
NARRATOR doesn't want PICARD to LEAVE, either!
NARRATOR simply wants PICARD to PLAY in its WORLD!
Erm... play?
NARRATOR said YES!
NARRATOR adds that THREE MEMBERS of PICARD's CREW already BEAMED DOWN to the PLANET!
NARRATOR wants PICARD to join them!
Well, I really can't do that... my place is with my ship...
NARRATOR dislikes DISOBEDIENCE!
NARRATOR just wants to SHOW PICARD its WORLD and FORMS of LIFE that RESIDE THERE!
Now see here! This is my ship, and I'll -
NARRATOR used TELEPORT!
PICCARD was TELEPORTED to OREBURGH CITY!
Location: Oreburgh City
Now see here! Humans value our freedom... we do not take kidnapping very well!
NARRATOR doesn't CARE!
Well, I'm a prisoner here on this planet... and it is a prisoner's first obligation to escape.
PICARD used TRANSMISSION DEVICE!
Picard to Enterprise.
LaFORGE: Captain....? What are you doing on the planet?
I've been kidnapped by an entity that calls itself the "Narrator". Please lock on to my coordinates and beam me up.
LaFORGE: Yes, captain!
ENTERPRISE used BEAM UP!
But it failed!
Enterprise? What happened?
LaFORGE: We can't get a lock on your position, sir! I'll try interfacing the Primary Pattern Buffers with the Electron Deflector Port and see if -
NARRATOR used TELEPORT!
ENTERPRISE was TELEPORTED to the other SIDE of the GALAXY!
Um... Enterprise? Enterprise, do you read me?
"Narrator", what did you do to my ship?!
NARRATOR said the ENTERPRISE is SAFE!
Where exactly did you transport it?!
ENTERPRISE is in the FAR REACHES of the DELTA QUADRANT!
The Delta Quadrant?! It will take them nearly a century to reach Earth at maximum warp!
PICARD should have THOUGHT of THAT before trying to DEFY the NARRATOR!
I will not co-operate!
NARRATOR said PICARD has NO CHOICE!
If you think you can transport me here and interfere with this world's natural development...
PICARD is a PART of this WORLD, now!
Besides, WORLD's NATURAL DEVELOPMENT was VIOLATED by NARRATOR a long time AGO!
Well, that is perhaps true. You are not bound by the Prime Directive...
NARRATOR also has HOSTAGES!
What? Riker, Worf, and Data are all Starfleet officers. They would rather lay down their lives than violate the Prime directive!
NARRATOR also has TELEPORTED half of the ENTERPRISE CIVILIANS into a SPECIAL HOLDING PLACE!
NARRATOR will KILL THEM ALL unless PICARD agrees to COOPERATE!
... You're a monster! I've never before encountered a life-form with such disregard to the respect for life!
THAT is an ACCURATE STATEMENT!
NARRATOR does not RESPECT LIFE!
Fine! I will reluctantly agree to explore this world... At least when the Federation sends another Starship, we'll have intelligence about this world...
NARRATOR thanks PICARD for finally seeing REASON!
Wild CHIMCHAR appeared!
That monkey-like lifeform... it appears to be on fire! Perhaps I can assist.
PICARD used WATER BUCKET!
FLAMES were EXTINGUISHED!
Phew... looks like I saved this poor lifeform.
Wild CHIMCHAR fainted!
What?!
PICARD should use the POKeDEX more OFTEN!
CHIMCHAR is a FIRE-type POKeMON!
FIRE-type POKeMON are WEAK against WATER!
I came here to explore this new world... and all I've done is make things worse.
PICARD could always CATCH the CHIMCHAR!
"Catch"? I'm sorry, enslavement of lower species was outlawed by the Federation ages ago.
But PICARD agreed to COOPERATE!
POKeMON TRAINING is the PRIMARY PURPOSE of this WORLD!
I'm sorry, it seems too unethical...
CHIMCHAR needs MEDICAL ATTENTION!
Uh oh! I must find some kind of hospital for this poor creature...
POKeMON can be HEALED at the POKeMON CENTER!
Great... I'll just pick it up and take it there!
HOWEVER, POKeMON CENTERs only HEAL the POKeMON that YOU OWN!
...
Damn you. Fine, I shall "catch" this Chimchar. How do I do that?
POKeBALL appeared by PICARD's feet!
What... what is this alien technology?
POKeBALL is a MATTER to ENERGY CONVERSION DEVICE!
POKeBALL can be USED to...
Ah, say no more. I've already used my Tricorder to scan it.
...
NARRATOR never NARRATED that PICARD used TRICORDER!
But I did...
PICARD used TRICORDER!
THERE!
Anyway, if my scan is correct, all I have to do is throw this as hard as I can at a creature I wish to enslave?
CORRECT!
Well, here goes nothing. I'm sorry, poor creature.
PICARD used POKeBALL!
CHIMCHAR was caught!
Good... While in Energy form, it shouldn't get any worse. Time to find that hospital...
PICARD will have to WAIT!
Huh?
BATTLE used END!
What's this...? It seems I am trapped in some sort of anomaly which causes my consciousness to be somehow suspended in time...
Battle #83, Klingon Opera
Location: Jubilife City
Player: Worf, Son of Mogh [no record yet]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)
Worf to Commander Riker...
Worf to Data...
Worf to Enterprise... Damn it.
COMMUNICATION DEVICE appears to be NOT WORKING!
Who's there?! Show yourself!
NARRATOR is HERE!
NARRATOR however is a DISEMBODIED VOICE!
Some kind of ... Incorporeal Creature?
NARRATOR said being called an INCORPOREAL CREATURE is getting REALLY OLD!
Hmm... one that talks in the 3rd person. What do you want?!
You must've been the cause of the Away team being beamed down at separate coordinates and my facial reconstruction surgery being removed!
NARRATOR admits that it is RESPONSIBLE for THAT!
Then you are also responsible for my communicator not working!
NARRATOR has NOTHING to do with the COMMUNICATOR's PROBLEMS!
Hmm... but surely... an entity with power such as yours knows what is wrong, then...!
NARRATOR knows!
Well?
NARRATOR said it is UNETHICAL to give any HINTS to the PLAYER!
Player? Are you saying I'm in some sort of game?
YES!
WORF is playing POKeMON!
PokeMan? What kind of foolishness is this?!!
WORF should use CALM MIND!
I will not be calm while you play these games with me!
What are you, a Q?
NARRATOR has been ACCUSED of being a Q before but still doesn't KNOW what that even IS!
Fine, fine... what must I do to complete this game?
NARRATOR suggests trying to FIGURE OUT what is blocking your COMMUNICATIONS!
Fine...
WORF used TRICORDER!
TRICORDER READINGS revealed that INTERFERENCE is coming from SINNOH NEWS HQ!
Must you narrate every little thing that I do?!
YES!
That is the NARRATOR's JOB!
Well it is really... aggravating!
NARRATOR likes WORF!
WORF is much EASIER to PROVOKE than PICARD!
The Captain?! But he's supposed to be on the ship...!
PICARD has DECIDED to take a VACATION on this PLANET!
So... you have abducted the Captain too... You have no honor!
STICKS and STONES may BREAK the NARRATOR's BONES but WORDS can never HURT it!
Do you even have bones? If so, I could surely break them!
NO!
But that wasn't the POINT!
I've had enough of this..! Once I stop whatever is stopping my Communications I can contact the Ship and let them know of our situation...
THAT is what WORF thinks!
Grr...!! Onward!
Location: Sinnoh News HQ
The Tricorder readings are leading towards whatever is behind this door...
Stealth is required.
WORF used STEALTH!
Can you PLEASE not yell when I'm trying to sneak in!
DOOR opened!
EMPEROR ED was behind DOOR!
See, this is your fault! If you hadn't attempted to narrate me using Stealth then I...
EMPEROR ED said that it ACTUALLY heard you YELLING at the NARRATOR about not YELLING!
Really? But how could you not have heard it!
NARRATOR has SELECTIVE TALKING!
What?
SELECTIVE TALKING is kind of like SELECTIVE HEARING just that the NARRATOR can CONTROL who HEARS it!
NARRATOR decided to DEVELOP this ABILITY since many have COMPLAINED in the PAST about the SAME THING!
Well it would've been nice to know this to begin with...!
EMPEROR ED wants to KNOW if WORF is a POKeMON!
A... what?! No, I'm a Klingon!
EMPEROR ED has never seen a KLINGON before!
EMPEROR ED adds it has never seen a TALKING POKeMON, either!
Now see here! I do not know what this PokeMan is, but I am a Klingon, sir!
EMPEROR ED wants to CATCH the KLINGON!
A Klingon Warrior is never captured! We fight to the death!!
Prepare to die!
EMPEROR ED used LAUGH!
That's strange... why can I not move my arm to slash you with my Bat'leth??
BATTLE hasn't STARTED yet!
What?! But I want to attack him while he's flat-footed...!
PROPER POKeMON GAMEPLAY MECHANICS must be FOLLOWED!
There is that word again... PokeMan...!
EMPEROR ED wants to fight!
Can I attack now?
NO!
Both PLAYERS must send out a POKeMON!
But... you still haven't explained to me what that is! I don't think I even have one!
WORF can always SEND OUT itself!
And doing that will allow me to attack?
YES!
Fine! I'll do that!
Get'm, WORF!
Of all the alien worlds I've visited, this one is by far the most insane...
EMPEROR ED sent out LACKEY!
What?! You had that cretin enslaved in your tiny contraption?!
EMPEROR ED said INDEED!
Whatever, eat my Bat'leth!
...wait... why can I not move now?!!
WORF cannot attack EMPEROR ED!
WORF must ATTACK the POKeMON that EMPEROR ED sent out, LACKEY!
For the love of Kahless, fine!! I will destroy this ... uh... minion!
WORF used SLASH!
LACKEY was SLASHED in HALF!
There, I have defeated your Lackey!
LACKEY has not been DEFEATED, yet!
What?! I cut him in half!
LACKEY still has HITPOINTS remaining!
Hitpoints?!
LACKEY used LACK!
LACKEY now LACKS the WILL to stay CONSCIOUS!
LACKEY fainted!
I cut him in half... he should be dead! Whatever!
EMPEROR ED is IMPRESSED with your POWER!
I am a Klingon Warrior! Of course!
EMPEROR ED wants to KNOW if a KLINGON WARRIOR evolves from a KLINGON!
Huh? No... I mean, maybe but evolution takes millions of years...
EMPEROR ED said POKeMON EVOLUTION takes all of FIVE SECONDS!
Wait, what?!
EMPEROR ED flashed the MASTER BALL!
EMPEROR ED said he has been WAITING to use THIS for a LONG TIME!
But that's just a ... Purple version of the other ball you used...
EMPEROR ED used the MASTER BALL!
No way you're going to trap me in one of those contraptions!
WORF blocked the BALL with its BAT'LETH!
BAT'LETH was caught!
My sword, no!
EMPEROR ED is also frustrated!
You better give it back!
EMPEROR ED wants to KNOW one good REASON why it SHOULD!
WORF flashed the PHASER!
How's this for a reason?
EMPEROR ED said that REASON is a PRETTY GOOD one!
WORF got the BAT'LETH!
Thanks.
Give a nickname to the BAT'LETH you received?
A nickname? No, of course not...!
EMPEROR ED used SNEAK AWAY!
Huh? Where did that little vermin go!! You distracted me, Narrator!
NARRATOR said it was REALLY EASY!
At least I can turn off this jamming device now...
WORF used DISABLE BUTTON!
JAMMING DEVICE was DISABLED!
Great.
Worf to Commander Riker!
RIKER: Worf?! Report!
You wouldn't believe the things I've seen on this world...
Location: In a Tree
Player: William T. Riker [no record yet]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)
Wild CARNIVINE continues to WAIT HUNGRILY for you at BOTTOM of TREE!
Mr. Worf... I actually think I would, without question.
BATTLE used END!
Battle #84, Learning Curve
Location: In a Tree
Player: William T. Riker [no record yet]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)
Wild CARNIVINE continues to WAIT HUNGRILY for you at BOTTOM of TREE!
Still?!
YES!
But a beast of such raw power could've easily found easier prey by now...!
Wild CARNIVINE wants RIKER!
I really am beginning to hate your voice.
Mr. Worf, are you still there?
WORF: Yes, commander.
Use your tri-corder to find my coordinates... I'm having a bit of... trouble with the local wildlife.
WORF: Why not use your Phaser?
I would but... the local wildlife... kind of... ate my Phaser.
WORF: What?!
Yes... it was... a giant trashbag creature.
WORF: Ridiculous! Wait a minute, that sounds perfectly feasible here, my mistake. No worries, Commander, I'm on my way!
Location: Several hours later
WORF appeared!
It's about time! What took you so long, Mr. Worf!
WORF: Sorry, Commander. As I was traveling through this forest, I learned a great many things about this world... for example...
Ally WORF sent out BAT'LETH!
Mr. Worf, you can't expect to fight that Tentacle plant monster with a Bat'leth!
WORF: Indeed I can! Since this Bat'leth is now considered my "Pokemon", I can train it, increasing its Level and making it stronger... observe!
Ally BAT'LETH used SLASH!
Wow! That did a lot of damage!
WORF: And now to use this "Pokeball" I confiscated by one of the enemies I dispatched in these woods...
You mean those innocent children who were catching bugs at the forest's entrance?
WORF: Err... uh... Pokeball, go!
WORF used the POKeBALL!
Wild CARNIVINE was caught!
Excellent, Mr. Worf!
RIKER jumped down from TREE!
Location: Random Route in Sinnoh
Thank you, Mr. Worf. The Enterprise hasn't been responding to my communications. We should find Mr. Data.
WORF: And the Captain, sir.
What? Captain Picard is on the planet?
WORF: Yes, sir. And the Enterprise has been hurled through space, so the reason your communicator isn't working is because the Enterprise is no longer in orbit.
What?! Who did this?!
WORF: According to the Captain, our Narrator host.
Narrator, is this true?!
YES!
You can't just -
WORF: Trust me, sir. Arguing with it is futile and won't get us anywhere.
Fine, Mr. Worf. Let us find the rest of our away team... It looks like there is a town past that field of tall grass...
WORF: Wait!
What now?
WORF: Wild Pokemon appear in the tall grass! You need your own Pokemon for protection.
Mr. Worf... are you suggesting using one of those creatures as slaves?
WORF: If we are to survive on this alien world, we should adapt to the way it does things. Apparently, the creatures here... "Pokemon"... actually like captivity and being trained for battle. They are... honorable creatures.
Fine, Mr. Worf...
WORF: Seeing as my Bat'leth is apparently a Pokemon now, I do not need this "Carnivine". Here.
Mr. Worf! That is the creature that just tried to eat me!
WORF: As soon as you capture a Pokemon, however, it is completely loyal to its master. I'll show you.
WORF sent out CARNIVINE!
Aaaaaah!!
Wait... it's not trying to kill me now?!
WORF: As I said sir, it's completely safe. Carnivine... you now belong to Riker, understand?
CARNIVINE nods!
Well... I suppose this is acceptable...
RIKER received a CARNIVINE!
Good then...
CARNIVINE used CRUNCH!
OWWWWW!!! But I thought ...!!
WORF: What's going on?! Quickly, Commander, "return" your Carnivine!
WHAT? HOW!
CARNIVINE's attack continues!
UGHHHH!!! Bones... being crushed...!
Blood... draining...!
WORF: It's easy! Just point the Pokeball at it and say "Return"!
Return... Owww... Carnivine!
CARNIVINE, enough!
Phew... now WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT, MR. WORF?!
WORF: I really don't know sir! From what I can tell, Carnivine shouldn't have attacked... maybe we should ask the Narrator?
Well?
POKeMON who are not OWNED by its ORIGINAL TRAINER require GYM BADGES to control!
Gym badges? How do I get those?
GYM BADGES are obtained by defeating GYM LEADERS in a POKeMON BATTLE!
Which I can't obtain since my Pokemon won't listen to me... great.
Mr. Worf, you can have this back.
CARNIVINE was given to WORF!
So now what?
WORF: We could look in the tall grass for a Pokemon for you to catch... Here, take this.
RIKER got a POKeBALL!
Um, okay...
WORF: Once we find a wild Pokemon... I'll weaken it, and you can catch it.
Sure, whatever. We just need to get moving.
Location: Tall grass
Okay... so let's hide and wait for a Pokemon to walk by... that should give us the element of surprise.
WORF: Actually sir, it doesn't work like that.
I'm not really surprised.
WORF: You see, Pokemon are only found via "random encounters", which are triggered by walking around aimlessly in the Tall grass. Standing still will not find us a Pokemon.
You do know that makes no sense.
WORF: Yes. But that is indeed how it works. It seems that Pokemon are literally spawned to existence via this method.
Whatever. Let's do it.
RIKER used WALK AIMLESSLY!
Wild BIDOOF appeared!
You're right... it literally "poofs" into existence. Looks like some kind of Replicator technology...
Side note, what a goofy-looking creature.
WORF: It will have to do.
Ally WORF sent out BAT'LETH!
Ally BAT'LETH used FALSE SWIPE!
Ouch! It looks barely alive now.
WORF withdrew BAT'LETH!
WORF: It's all up to you now, Commander!
Oh right... uh... here goes nothing!
RIKER used the POKeBALL!
BIDOOF was caught!
Woooo...
Give a nickname to BIDOOF?
Uh... a nickname... sure.
I'll name it... uh... well honestly, the first thing that came to my mind was "Dopey". So that.
BIDOOF was renamed DOPEY!
WORF: Terrible name.
Yeah well, best I could come up with on the spot. Now let's get out of here!
WORF: Agreed.
BATTLE used END!
Battle #85, Internet... Pros and Cons
Location: Oreburgh City
Player: Data [no record yet]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)
DATA used FIX!
DATA is FIXING its COMMUNICATOR!
I would like to inform you that what you just narrated could be considered rude. Just because I am an artificial lifeform does not mean that referring to me as an "it" is acceptable.
However, since I am not capable of the emotion of insult, I suppose that it is acceptable in my case.
NARRATOR said to LIGHTEN UP!
NARRATOR refers to EVERYONE and EVERYTHING as an it!
That is not entirely correct. I have went back into the Flare Version archives and found several occurrences in which you referred to someone as a "he" or a "she".
NARRATOR said it FORGETS sometimes!
NARRATOR adds that it is TOUGH to be an ALL-POWERFUL ENTITY!
Right, well, in that case, I suppose as humans would say... "No harm done".
NARRATOR also wants to KNOW how DATA knows about the ARCHIVES!
Long ago, I downloaded all of the Ancient Earth's "internet" to my positronic brain for processing. I thought it would help me understand humans better. Despite all the... interesting imagery that appears when trying to access that part of my memory, I was able to use the Google to find a blog of a certain "Killer Nacho" which contains the Flare Version Archives. It seems that all events that is occurring here is automatically updated in the Flare Version archives.
DATA is SMART!
NARRATOR is IMPRESSED!
I am an Android, capable of thought much faster than the ordinary human. As I was saying, it appears that this Flare Version archive has been getting larger with time, despite it being in the past. Clearly, some kind of temporal anomaly must be the cause.
NARRATOR is BARELY FOLLOWING what DATA is SAYING!
Basically, what is happening to us is actually happening in the Past, and affecting the Present.
THAT would MAKE SENSE!
WEBMASTER KILLER NACHO is a 21st CENTURY HUMAN!
Yes. Real name: Timothy J. Sharpe. Date of Birth: July 22nd, 1989. Social Security number: 19 -
NARRATOR said to STOP!
NARRATOR would get in TROUBLE if that PERSONAL INFORMATION appeared on this WEBSITE!
Right well... back to work.
DATA used FIX!
It's super effective!
COMMUNICATOR was FIXED!
Data to Commander Riker and Captain Picard.
RIKER: Riker here.
PICARD: Yes, Mr. Data? It's good to hear your voice.
I must tell you what I have discovered about this universe. Long ago, I downloaded -
NARRATOR used FAST FOWARD!
NARRATOR fowarded to the END of DATA's EXPLANATION!
... which I cross-referenced with my knowledge on "Two Girls, One cup".
...
NARRATOR now really WISHES it had listened to the WHOLE THING!
Pardon?
NOTHING!
PICARD: Excellent, Mr. Data. I suggest we all meet up in Jubilife City so that we can share our findings in person and try to figure out a plan to get off of this world.
Agreed. I will head there immediately, sir.
Location: Route 203
According to the Bulbapedia, this Route should take me to Jubilife.
Wild SHINX appeared!
Ah, a wild "Pokemon". Let us see what the Bulbapedia Pokedex says about it.
POKeDEX: The Flash Pokemon. The extension and contraction of its muscles generates electricity. It glows when in trouble.
Ah. That Pokedex entry reminds me of two-hundred and thirty four thousand, six hundred ninety three images relating to "flashing", "muscle contraction" and "electricity". I understand.
NARRATOR doesn't want to KNOW!
Luckily, I was able to use some of my spare parts to build a couple matter-to-energy storage devices, which should be functionally equivalent to this world's Pokeballs. I have refined the design to allow minimal chance to escape.
NARRATOR wants to see DATA's BALLS!
Ah. Your request has generated four million, five hundred and sixty four thousand -
NARRATOR begs DATA to STOP telling it when it has PORN IMAGE RESULTS!
I am sorry if this Data disturbs you. I see now that you meant you wanted to see my storage devices.
DATA flashed the DATA BALLs!
NARRATOR's MIND is again FILLED with NAUGHTY IMAGERY!
But I didn't even tell you that that query has generated three thousand and -
...
I am sorry. Anyway, I will use one of these to capture this Pokemon.
DATA used the DATA BALL!
Wild SHINX was caught!
I believe the proper phase would be... "Woo hoo!"
Give a nickname to SHINX?
Yes. I find my thoughts drifting towards my dear cat, Spot, who is still aboard the Enterprise all the way in the Delta Quadrant. I believe naming it after him would be appropriate.
SHINX doesn't even have any SPOTS!
Neither did my cat.
SHINX was renamed SPOT!
Excellent. I believe I will use my "Running Shoes" to quickly traverse the rest of the Route.
REECE appeared!
Ah! This would be one of the neglected and forgotten about Flare Version characters.
REECE: Who are you calling neglected? My mom never neglected me, never! Never... never......
But according to the internet record about you, you were known as an "Internet Troll". Such a designation infers that you were neglected as a child and therefore developed spiteful tendencies.
Either way, I was referring to the fact that you have not been involved in a Flare Version battle for quite some time.
REECE: My punishment for being a swell guy and helping Killer Nacho escape back to Earth, I guess!
Hmm... you would not happen to know the secret to opening a Portal to Earth, would you? From what I understand, one needs the Blood of a Yami, which I should easily be able to obtain from an entity called Yami James. However, the exact method is unknown to me.
REECE said if you can DEFEAT it, it will TELL YOU!
Yes, I see. This would not be much of a "PokeBattle" without a Battle, I agree.
REECE wants to fight!
REECE sent out THREETAILS!
I will "send out" Spot. While normally I would object to forcing my pet to fight, I think it is justified given the circumstances.
Get'm, SPOT!
Excuse me, Narrator, but perhaps you are unaware of my inability to use contractions.
Get err... them, SPOT!
I believe it should be "Get him".
NARRATOR believes THREETAILS is a FEMALE!
NARRATOR also refuses to use HIM or HER, if DATA would REMEMBER!
I remember perfectly.
Enemy THREETAILS used FIRE BLAST!
Enemy THREETAILS is having a BLAST with FIRE!
I will now use my newly written Anti-Pun Program to discover which of Shinx's attacks has the least chance of being used as a pun.
Working... working... Error... all results can be used in a Lame Pun attempt. Best result: Thunder Fang.
SPOT used THUNDER FANG!
SPOT's FANGS are now full of THUNDER!
Could have been worse. I will now instruct Spot to "bite" its opponent.
SPOT used BITE!
Enemy THREETAILS was ELECTROCUTED!
Good job, Spot!
Enemy THREETAILS used TAIL WHIP!
Hit 3 times!
Good job hanging in there, Spot! Now use...
GIANT DOOMBOT appeared!
GIANT DOOMBOT used LASER BEAMS!
REECE died!
THREETAILS died!
Giant Doombot detected... According to Flare Version archives, I'm outmatched... I will return Spot and attempt to Run away...
Return, SPOT!
Got away safely!
That was a "close one". Unfortunately my opponent was not so lucky. Then again, the Narrator probably wanted an excuse to get rid of the neglected character.
CORRECT!
Location: Jubilife City
It appears I have arrived. I must inform the Captain about the threat Giant Doombot possesses. We may have to defend this world from being completely destroyed.
Wouldn't that VIOLATE the PRIME DIRECTIVE?
We have already violated the Prime Directive. Either way, it seems we are forced to be a part of this world now. I think logically, the Prime Directive does not apply here.
NARRATOR is GLAD that DATA is easier to CONVINCE than PICARD!
That is true. The Captain has a very strong opinion when it comes to the Prime Directive. But I think I can convince him that this threat must be addressed before we find a way off this world.
Anyway, according to Flare Version convention, the battle will soon "end", correct?
DATA is CORRECT!
BATTLE used END!
FLARE VERSION Player Database
Messiah Rikks [21-22-1] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: CHARMANDER, UNDEADGATES, X-BOX, LORD [dead], UFO [dead])
Satan Vikks [8-9] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: WAR TURTLE, SPEAROW, WATERGUN [dead])
Chris the Giant Doombot [13-4]
(Pokemon Lineup: FRENCHWHORE, BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON, RALTS, DARKMAGICIAN [dead], IT, 999 UFOS, DARTH VICK)
Yugi Moto [1-2-1] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: GAIAKNIGHT, SUMMONEDSKULL, KURIBOH)
Jr. Trainer [0-2] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: SANDSHREW [dead])
Rikks' Mom [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: CUTIEPIE)
Brock's Dad [1-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: GEOCITIES [dead])
Reece Benlier [4-5-1] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: THREETALES [dead], LUCARIO [dead])
Jar Jar Binks [3-4-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: GHOST)
Yami James [4-6]
(Pokemon Lineup: WEEZING)
Jessie of Team Rocket [2-6] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: KOBRA)
Meowth [0-3]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)
Da Zombie Man [3-5-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: LUGIA [dead])
Seto Kaiba [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: HITOTSU-ME-GIANT, JUDGEMAN [dead])
Random Pilot [no record yet]
(Pokemon Lineup: JET)
Robotor the Robot [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: MAGNEMITE, ROBOT [dead])
Schoolboy Danny [1-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: RATATTA)
Gym Leader Molds [1-1] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: GLOOM, VILEPLUME)
Gymleader [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: GRASS [dead])
Grassly, Little Girl [no record yet] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)
Police [1-0]
(Pokemon Lineup: GUN)
Professor Oak [1-2]
(Pokemon Lineup: PIKACHU)
Mr. Psychic [1-0]
(Pokemon Lineup: JYNX)
Old Woman [0-1] [dead]
(Poekmon Lineup: none)
Sabrina the Teenage Witch [1-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: FEMALEMR.MIME, KADABRA, ABRA)
Youngster Duggy [1-3] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: MAGIKARP)
Master Sorcerer [0-0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: MINOMAGE)
Death Star 2 Spaceship Rabid Monkey of Doom [1-2-1] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)
Pizza Man [3-1-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: CHEESEPIZZA [dead], PEPPERONIPIZZA [dead], SAUSAGEPIZZA, MUSHROOMPIZZA [dead])
Vikkz a Lot [0-1] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)
Cris [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: HISDAD [dead])
Pizaman [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: TOWER)
Vikks' Heart [4-2]
(Pokemon Lineup: POLICEDOG, DOGHEART)
Darth Michael Vick [8-5]
(Pokemon Lineup: WEEDHILL [dead], ROTTWEILER)
Sal [4-8]
(Pokemon Lineup: EMPEROR SLAKING, RAICHU [dead], DITTO [dead], ONIX [dead], TORCHIC [dead])
Mike "Mark" Crotch [no record yet] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)
Flare [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: DEMON [dead])
Grim Reaper [1-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: DEATH [dead], PERSIAN)
SmarterChild [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)
Champion Lance [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: DRAGONITE, GHOSTDRAGON, LANCE [dead])
Ronald McDonald [1-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: FRIES, SODA, BURGER)
Goku [0-2] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: KRILLIN, GOHAN, MEOWTH)
Lord Janus [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: OZZIE, SLASH, FLEA)
Referee [0-1] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)
Webmaster Killer Nacho [Too many wins to display here]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)
Professor Birch [1-0]
(Pokemon Lineup: SHOTGUN)
Dozens of People [4-3]
(Pokemon Lineup: DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOONS)
Pokemon Trainer May [3-1] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: MUDKIP, SWELLOW, RHYDON)
Spanky the Clown [1-4]
(Pokemon Lineup: URANUS, 9,000 UFOS [dead])
General Generalicus [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)
Munchkin [0-1] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)
Supermon [3-3]
(Pokemon Lineup: RATTATA)
Ramsly [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: COOKLIE BEAR)
Thief [0-1] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)
Crono [0-1] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: KATANA)
Marle [no record yet]
(Pokemon Lineup: CROSSBOW)
Lucca [no record yet]
(Pokemon Lineup: GUN)
Maxie, Leader of Team Magma [0-1] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: ZIGZAGOON, CAMERUPT)
Archie, Leader of Team Aqua [0-1] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: ZIGZAGOON, SHARPEDO)
Professor Rowan the High Priest [3-1-1]
(Pokemon Lineup CULT MEMBER, DOZENS OF PEOPLE)
Newsboy [0-3] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: PIDGEY)
Emperor Ed [3-1-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: LACKEY)
Caterpie [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)
Will [0-1] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: ZIGZAGOON)
Jean-Luc Picard [1-0]
(Pokemon Lineup: CHIMCHAR)
Worf, Son of Mogh [2-0]
(Pokemon Lineup: BAT'LETH, CARNIVINE)
William T. Riker [1-0]
(Pokemon Lineup: DOPEY)
Data [2-0]
(Pokemon Lineup: SPOT)
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