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Welcome to the blog of The Killer Nacho, known to most mortals as Timothy J. Sharpe, a Computer Science graduate of Messiah College and currently a Systems Analyst for Sunoco Logistics. Within this tome of pages, one will find my innermost thoughts about various things concerning things that I enjoy. These subjects include, but are not limited to, roleplaying, gaming, American Football (the NFL), things to do with computers, philosophy, movies that are awesome, TV shows that are awesome, my own writings and creative works, and dangerous Mexican snacks.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Pokemon Football Team

Alright so, I like Pokemon, and I like Football. Why not mix the two? This is my attempt at building an All-Pokemon (American) Football team. I've decided to limit myself to the original 151 due to the fact it would be easier. Also, I'm limiting myself to picking a single Species only once, so I couldn't pick Machamp to be a Linebacker AND a Runningback, for example. My goal is build a team that could compete with these magical Critters. Ready? Let's go!

Quarterback - Mewtwo: Mewtwo has everything you look for in a Quarterback. Intelligence, strength, speed, endurance, competitive nature, and the desire to win. The complete package. Plus it helps to have telekinetic powers to "guide" passes to their intended destinations. Mewtwo is the obvious choice here.
Runningback - Primeape, Pikachu: Primeape will be my main runner. He's powerful, ferocious, and quick which makes him a dangerous back. He's not going to give any incoming tackler an easy time. Plus, no one is going to want to make him angry ...

As for Pikachu, he may have small hands but Pikachu may be one of the quickest & fastest Pokemon in the original 151. He'll be tough to tackle and be a great change of pace back once the defense gets tired.

Fullback - Blastoise: This may seem like an oddball pick, but hear me out. Blastoise may not be fast, but he's a big body that should make him easy to run behind for Pimeape and Pikachu. In addition, he can use his giant water cannons to push down defenders that have him beat. He's powerful and bulky, so he's an ideal runner in short yardage situations. Blastoise will revolutionize this outdated position.

Tight end - Kangaskhan: Kangaskhan is a good prospect for many positions. I chose it at Tight end for numerous reasons. One, it is fairly powerful and should be a good blocker (considering its Parenting nature). This means he would be a great blocker if asked to be a 6th lineman. Secondly, his tall, powerful frame and somewhat long arms makes it an ideal endzone target. Kangaskhan could easily become a dominating Tight end.

Wide receiver - Golduck, Alakazam, Poliwrath: Maybe not the group you were expecting, but I wanted a group of Wide receivers that were smart, agile, and quick. Golduck may be short, but he's a shifty Wide receiver that should be able to get open and outrun certain defensive players.

Alakazam also fits this mold (having 5000 IQ), and could use his telekinesis to make sure the ball ends up in his hands every time. He's also tall and has large hands. An ideal endzone threat. He just might have to put his spoons down while playing.

Finally, Poliwrath will be my slot receiver. He has a wide frame, which means he'll be able to adjust to off-target throws. He's also the most powerful receiver of the bunch, so he'd be a good blocker when asked to do so and will be able to fight for extra yardage (unlike Alakazam). Mewtwo will love to have this guy on 3rd downs.

Offensive tackle - Dragonite, Muk: Dragonite is one of the best Left tackle prospects I've ever seen. While not many will be able to "creep up on" Mewtwo's blind side (Psychic powers helps this), even if they could, Dragonite would not allow it. He's tall, powerful, and large. Even speed rushers will have a hard time getting around him due to his large wing span. Dragonite's talents would not go to waste here.

As for Muk, he makes an ideal Right tackle for many reasons. He's an ideal run blocker since his gooy body would not allow defenders to break free once engaged (without Muk having to hold) and that's assuming that defensive players would want to try touching him to begin with. Being able to manipulate the shape of your body helps here too.
Offensive guard - Venusaur, Rhydon: Both Venusaur and Rhydon have the size and power to be Guards. While neither is particularly quick, they will eat up defenders to provide nice running lanes for Primeape and Pikachu. Venusaur will only need to duck his head and move forward to block for runners.

Rhydon with his long arms should be able to engage defensive tackles and throw them around, making him not only an effective run blocker, but a worthy pass protector too. Really, Rhydon is the complete Guard package.

Center - Golem: To finish out my offensive line, I've chosen Golem to be the center. One of the heaviest Gen 1 Pokemon, Golem will be a menace on the offensive line. He's not very athletic, but he will form a nice wall during pass plays to protect Mewtwo.

Nose tackle - Snorlax: I've chosen to make this team a 3-4 scheme, mostly because of Snorlax being the ultimate 3-4 Nose tackle prospect. He's big and powerful, and should have no problem eating up two offensive linemen to allow my Linebackers to make plays.

Defensive end - Charizard, Arcanine: To add to my defensive line, I've decided to add Charizard and Arcanine. Both of these Pokemon are Fire-types, meaning they are ferocious and mean. Charizard can provide a nice power rush on Right tackles. In addition, Charizard looks to be a nice run-defender. Would you run towards a fire-breathing dragon? I don't think so.

Arcanine is an ideal speed rusher. While he may have difficulty shaking Offensive tackles against the run, he can certainly "Tackle" opponents using his muscular K9 frame. He's also fast enough to run down players getting past him.

Outside linebacker - Scyther, Gyarados: As you may know, the 3-4 relies on two things. One, a dominant Nose tackle, and pass-rushing OLB. Scyther and Gyarados fits the mold. Scyther is absolutely brutal. Quarterbacks will fear his scythe-like arms. Plus, he's quick fast, and can flat out jump over the line to make plays in the backfield.

Gyarados may be a Water-type, but like most water serpents, can hover in the air. This means he doesn't really need to worry about blockers at all, and just pummel opposing players, head-first. Plus, he certainly has enough rage to play Linebacker. People will pay for underestimating him as a Magikarp!

Inside linebacker - Machamp, Nidoking: The inside linebackers of a 3-4 are also important. These guys do it all, fill in the gaps to stop the run, fall back into coverage, and even blitz the Quarterback. Machamp is an ideal prospect. Tall, large, powerful, four long arms to wrap up players and break up completions... He'll be a monster in the middle.

Nidoking is also a nice choice. Like Machamp, he has the typical ILB frame. While he lacks the arms and sheer power, Nidoking weighs more so he can Body Slam and Thrash foes into submission. I really like Nidoking as a run-defender here.

Cornerback - Electabuzz, Mr. Mime: First, let me say, that a nice "shock" would make one of the best jams at the line of scrimmage for a Cornerback. Electabuzz can certainly do that. This shock will make just about anyone lose a few valuable seconds on their route, meaning he can take a receiver out of the play completely (or receive easy interceptions).

Mr. Mime is the ultimate shut-down corner. He's not tall, but he is pretty fast and can use Barriers to deflect incoming passes. There isn't many Quarterbacks to will be able to evade Mr. Mime's barriers while throwing the ball. And even if they do, a well-placed invisible Barrier will be a perfect way to closeline that receiver if he does manage to get a reception.

Free safety - Pinsir: Pinsir will be a true "executioner" on the field, perfect for a Free safety, using his spiky horns to nail ball-carriers who dare to oppose him. His arms may be small, but if he can catch the ball on one of those spikes, he should be able to make a big play down the field.

Strong safety - Hitmonchan: I really like Hitmonchan as a Strong safety. Quick and powerful, Hitmonchan will patrol the field, stopping the run and pass with his hard hits. If you think Brian Dawkins had a hard hit, wait until you're punched in the face by a Hitmonchan. Knock out blow right there. Teams will look to take Hitmonchan out of the play by running or passing the other way.

Kicker - Hitmonlee: Hitmonchan's brother, this choice is obvious. Hitmonlee's long powerful legs makes him the ideal Kicker (after all, Kicking is what he does best). Using his highly-trained legs, he should be able to easily kick the ball down the field as well as deliver accurate kicks for Field goals and the like.

Punter - Lickitung: Obviously, I'd like Hitmonlee here too, but I cant use him twice. Lickitung may sound funny and may not be able to punt the traditional way, but his large tongue could be used to "slingshot" the ball pretty high in the air. Plus, his long tongue wouldn't be such a bad way to tackle returners, making him a Punter not completely worthless in special teams coverage.

Kick/Punt returner - Pidgeot: Obviously, my major concern with Pidgeot is that he may have trouble catching the ball with his talons. However, Pidgeot is a pretty big bird and once he does catch it, who wouldn't want a returner who can simply fly over the coverage unit?

So there you have it, my Pokemon football team. 16-0 if they could actually play in the NFL? You be the judge.


  1. I'm surprised you included Pikachu, LOL

  2. godly pikachu ftw win :) kyoshi all the way!

  3. You would be lucky to get a single win. Think about it this way. My little master ball takes care of your star QB and i'm going to use jigglypuff's sing on all and a grass type with sleep powder on offense and defense. Instant. Mental. Fuck. I will be taking questions now

  4. Last I checked, NFL teams don't have access to Masterballs or Jigglypuffs. :p