Girlfriend checklist

In order to qualify to be my girlfriend, the following criteria must be met:

Prerequisites:

• One must be within 4 years of age.
• One must be female.
• One must be currently single.
• One must not be related.

Requirements:

• Looks do not matter too much, but one shouldn't be completely hideous.
• One must be kind.
• One must be intelligent.
• One must be mature.
• One must be one I have feelings for.
• One has to be be relatively close-by, no super long distance crap.
• One must have feelings for me back. 
• One must be admired by me for traits that I lack.

At least three of the following six:

• One must have similar interests.
• One must have things we can do together.
• One must be fun to talk to.
• One must be enjoyable to be around. 
• One must be soft. Pillow-like people are comfortable.
• One must smell nice. Like, really nice. Like roses. Or honey.

Applications being accepted soon. Get your resumes ready.