Welcome to the Cheesiest Blog on the Web

Welcome to the blog of The Killer Nacho, known to most mortals as Timothy J. Sharpe, a Computer Science graduate of Messiah College and currently a Systems Analyst for Sunoco Logistics. Within this tome of pages, one will find my innermost thoughts about various things concerning things that I enjoy. These subjects include, but are not limited to, roleplaying, gaming, American Football (the NFL), things to do with computers, philosophy, movies that are awesome, TV shows that are awesome, my own writings and creative works, and dangerous Mexican snacks.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Girlfriend checklist

In order to qualify to be my girlfriend, the following criteria must be met:

  • One must be within 4 years of age.
  • One must be female.
  • One must be currently single.
  • One must not be related.
  • Looks do not matter too much, but one shouldn't be completely hideous.
  • One must be kind.
  • One must be intelligent.
  • One must be mature.
  • One must be one I have feelings for.
  • One has to be be relatively close-by, no super long distance crap.
  • One must have feelings for me back. 
  • One must be admired by me for traits that I lack.
At least three of the following six:
  • One must have similar interests.
  • One must have things we can do together.
  • One must be fun to talk to.
  • One must be enjoyable to be around. 
  • One must be soft. Pillow-like people are comfortable.
  • One must smell nice. Like, really nice. Like roses. Or honey.
Applications being accepted soon. Get your resumes ready.


  1. I know this is really personal, but if you don't mind, I'd be interested in reading a blogpost on the history of your relationship with JoltsBolt!

  2. I sincerely hope that you find that special lady Nacho, but surely in the bedroom you'll predict all her 'moves' anyway. ;P

    Good luck with the crit.

  3. ^ That last comment was really funny.