Miller Light needs to "Man-Up"

For those of you who have ever sat through a Football with me, you should know that I have a very real hatred for certain advertisements. Okay, most advertisements. Some are clever, some are funny, some I just don't care about one way or the other - but usually my favorites are either Beer commercials or Geico commercials (those guys are genius with their advertisements, too bad they can't put together a decent car insurance plan). A glaring exception began when I started watching NFL Football this 2010-2011 season, as Miller Light debuted its "Man Up" advertisement campaign.

Beer is serious business.

"Man Up" is a chain of commercials that follow a similar structure. An originally-appears-to-be stylish man walks into a bar and asks for Light Beer from an attractive woman bartender. They are then given a choice of whether they want a normal Light Beer or a "special one" (whether it is a special bottle, or "more taste"). In each of the commercials, the man does not really care. Then, the woman bartender is revealed to be a total bitch as she rips on his Light Beer choice, and ridicules him for a "flaw" the man possesses that was not originally seen. Then the slogan appears, "Man up", suggesting that people that are "losers" do not care about their Light Beer, so if you are not loser you should drink Miller Light. At the end of the commercial, the man seems to have "learned his lesson" and "manned up", ordering a Miller Light. Then, something semi-positive usually happens to him, but it is revealed he still has his "flaw".

I can't begin to explain how much these commercials bother me. First of all: While I am not really a fan of Beer in general, I have sampled most of the "popular" Light Beer brands, and I have not noticed a noticeable difference in taste, or anything else. It's like when Duracell tries to convince you that their batteries are somehow different, the fact of the matter is they're not or the difference is so insignificant you will never notice. Basically, if the normal Light Beer is less expensive than the Miller Light (which it usually will be since it is not a brand name), you would be a moron for paying extra money for the Miller Light. Next, the premise hardly leads to the conclusion. They're trying to say losers don't drink Miller Light, but the commercials really do not show at all that one leads to the other. Is it that if you do not drink Miller Light, you are a Loser? Possibly, but unlikely considering all of the men "repented" and are still losers. Or maybe it is that if you are a Loser than do not drink Miller Light? This makes even less sense ... Being a "loser" and drinking Miller Light are completely independent things... one can be a Loser and drink Miller Light or be Awesome and not drink Miller Light.

Maybe it is due to my upbringing, but maybe the reason I don't like the commercials is because the attitude of the woman bartenders... in all of the commercials, they are total bitches, plain and simple. None of the men's "flaws" really seem too significant, and they make a big deal out of nothing. Are they really mad that the men do not care about what Light Beer they drink? Seems sort of shallow... there is more to life than Light Beer. And if anyone thinks Light Beer = Life, they are the ones who need to "Man up". In fact... alcohol in general is for those who need to "Man up". I just don't see how it can be considered good advertising to INSULT the people you are trying to ADVERTISE TO... since that's pretty much what they are doing. Seems shallow, and I think this clinches that I will never buy Miller Light, ever.

Here are the "Man Up" commercials currently being aired / have been aired, so you can judge for yourself. Sorry about the crappy video quality, best I could find.

"Couger" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PacVvfhEB1Y
So a "crazy fan" wants to order a Light Beer in peace and doesn't really care about how it tastes. Therefore, the somewhat-attractive woman bartender has the need to ridicule him for his team spirit, a Couger-costume he is wearing? Granted, the costume was pretty gay but I've seen worse. And considering football fans are watching this commercial, I'm sure a good number of them have "pimped out" for a football game at least once in their lives. Then there is the ending... so if I drink Miller Light, completely hideous women will be attracted to me?? Noooooooooooooooooooooo! Must ... never... drink... Miller ... Light!

"Man-Purse" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUJ36nFdOyg
A pretty attractive dude asks for Light Beer from the woman bartender. Since he does not decide to order Miller Light like the other mindless peons in the bar, the bartender finds the need to ridicule him for his carry-on, which looks a lot like a purse. Actually seems somewhat responsible to keep all your things close to you. Questionable taste in appearance, but he hardly needs to "man up". Or are they implying that only women dislike Miller Light? If so, they not only insulted those who do not drink Miller Light in this commercial, but all women too! Good going.

"Sunglasses" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSTxwQthl14
Oookay ... I guess I'm wearing Sunglasses in a Dimly-lit bar 24-7 because I still do not see what makes the "grooves" on the Miller Light Vortex bottle so special... Maybe they should consider making a commercial about what exactly it does that is significant instead of blasting the people who are smart enough to realize that the container of which your beer is in means just as much as what kind of toilet paper you wipe your ass with. And then the ending... questionable taste in music = lack of eyesight? Isn't music about hearing? Hmm...

"Dragon-clothes" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNumX3RHRQQ
Okay... granted, I am not the most "stylish" person on the planet, but I actually really like the dude's dragon clothes. They're pretty awesome. And the bartender's punchline in this commercial... "You're scaring the customers"?? What ??? How does someone's clothes scare customers? Are they all far too drunk on your crappy Miller Light that they do not realize they aren't actually real dragons? Miller Light must make you stupid... glad I don't drink it. Also the ending is completely unbelievable... why would he be embarrassed about his dragon jacket when he is still sporting his dragon clothes and seemed so confident in them in the first place? And the look the bartender gives him at the end... keep your judgmental bitch attitude to yourself, thanks.

"Man thong" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iH82n4EXkII
Uh ... rather odd for a bar to require its customers to be "stylish in this country" to serve them, since she seemed to imply she would not serve him until he changed out of his European Man Thong... but she ends up doing it at the end because he has Miller Light but is still in the swimsuit. Once again, I'm not the most stylish person, but how much does the country you're in REALLY affect style? Or are they attempting to insult Europeans, too, now?

"Skirt" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02p-9SsmRME
Another commercial blasting women how they don't have good taste in Light Beer? I guess ... but I wonder why that guy was wearing a skirt in a bar to begin with ... seems rather unbelievable. Maybe he was Gay, best solution I can come up with. I guess according to Miller Light, Gay people don't have good taste in Light Beer, either.

"Peanut" http://millerlite.com/commercials.html, scroll down to Peanut
A Fantasy Football player wants a Light Beer so he orders one. The bartender decides that because he doesn't want a Miller Light, it must be because he is a "Mama's Boy", since his mother is in the same bar that he is. Dang... what a shot at Fantasy Football players! According to Miller Light, all Fantasy Football players are "Mama's Boys" and must live in their mother's basement. They also have no taste in Light Beer. When he finally decides to get Miller Light due to the peer pressure, he is still a mother's boy. So nothing changes for the protagonist. Guess he shouldn't have wasted the money on another beer.

Honestly, I'm frightened to find out what's next ... I hope they come to their senses and cancel this ad campaign before I'm forced to gorge my eyes out with a rusty spork, becuase I can't stand to watch another horrible Miller Light commericial. Okay, okay, so now I'm exaggerating but thank God for the Mute button on my TV remote.