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Welcome to the blog of The Killer Nacho, known to most mortals as Timothy J. Sharpe, a Computer Science graduate of Messiah College and currently a Systems Analyst for Sunoco Logistics. Within this tome of pages, one will find my innermost thoughts about various things concerning things that I enjoy. These subjects include, but are not limited to, roleplaying, gaming, American Football (the NFL), things to do with computers, philosophy, movies that are awesome, TV shows that are awesome, my own writings and creative works, and dangerous Mexican snacks.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Pokebattles Flare Version, Battles 1 - 5: Beginnings and Evolutions


 FLARE VERSION

Quite some time ago, I became enamored with a Pokemon parody known as Pokebattles (www.pokebattles.com) by Jason Ross. Much like others, I decided to write a few of my own, which turned into my own "Version", Flare Version. While a lot of it was amateurish due to my young age, I've decided to re-write it (and thereby improving the quality) and post it here on my blog for others to enjoy.

Battles 1 through 5 begin the Kanto saga, starting with a young Pokemon trainer Rikks and his rival Vikks, who just began their Flare Version adventure. These two trainers compete with eachother and meet some pretty strange enemies and have strange encounters within our first five episodes, with a plot twist coming at the end during Battle 5. Without further adieu, enjoy!

Narrator text
Player text

Battle #1, Journey Start
Location: Outside Professor Oak's Lab
Player: Rikks [no record yet]
(Pokemon Lineup: Charmander)

VIKKS: Come on, RIKKS, I'll take you on!
Ugh! Why do you always have to be such a jerk. Fine, I guess I'll use this Charmander I got from the Professor to defeat you!
Go, CHARMANDER!
VIKKS sent out SQUIRTLE!
Sigh. I knew there was a reason for you wanting me to pick first.
Enemy SQUIRTLE used SQUIRT!
Enemy SQUIRTLE squirts ORANGE JUICE at you!
Um well, that could've been worse I suppose. Alright my little Charmander, use your attack!
CHARMANDER used ATTACK!
And?
Its not very effective...
Darn...
Enemy SQUIRTLE fainted.
I guess that works. But man, that was easy!
CHARMANDER gained -8000 exp!
Wait what? I gained NEGATIVE EXPERIENCE? For WINNING?
CHARMANDER decreased to Level -5!
I don't think I like this Pokemon version very much...
What? CHARMANDER is devolving!
As if it could get any worse...
CHARMANDER devolved into CHARCOAL!
Oh great. Now my Charmander is just this black rock.
VIKKS: Darn! I picked the wrong Pokemon! I'll fight to toughen it up! RIKKS, Gramps! I'll smell ya later!
VIKKS left!
At least your Pokemon didn't devolve... sigh. I suppose I should begin my Pokemon journey. Lets see what I can find on Route 1.

Location: Route 1

Ah, there's some tall grass now.
Wild BILLGATES appeared!
GREAT! Now I can finally catch my first Pokemon!
The enemy is an evil man who ruined the good name of PCs! Get'm, CHARCOAL!
Heh. Your move, Gates!
Wild BILLGATES used WINDOWS!
CHARCOAL is confused!
Crap!
CHARCOAL hurt itself in its confusion!
Sigh. I hate confusion.
Wild BILLGATES withdrew BILLGATES!
Hmm?
Wild BILLGATES sent out X-BOX!
Hmm... so I guess Bill Gates may be a trainer, then.
Hurry before it can attack, Charcoal... Use your uh... Chardust attack!
CHARCOAL used CHARDUST! Enemy X-BOX was turned to DUST!
Enemy X-BOX fainted!
CHARCOAL received 2 exp!
Phew... finally, positive experience. 
BILLGATES sent out BILLGATES!
Ah, so you want to go, huh? Fine then, I'll handle you.. myself!
Enough, CHARCOAL!
Go, RIKKS!
Prepare to meet my fists!
RIKKS used PUNCH!
RIKKS punched himself!
Oww! I mean to punch Bill Gates, not me!
BILLGATES used MSDOS!
BILLGATES is confused!
Ah-ha! It looks like the battle has swung in my favor, Gates!
Wild BILLGATES fainted in its confusion!
RIKKS gained 700 exp!
RIKKS grew to Level 2!
Sweet!
What? RIKKS is evolving!
Wait, what?
RIKKS evolved into RIKKSALOT!
Woohoo! Now to catch these two Pokemon.
RIKKSALOT used two POKeBALLs!
BILLGATES and X-BOX were caught! 
With Bill Gates and an X-Box on my team, I can't lose. I'm coming for you, Vikks!
BATTLE used END!

Battle #2, Rivals Rising!
Location: West of Viridian City
Player: Vikks [record 0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: SQUIRTLE)

Dang it! I can't believe that Rikks beat me... and now, they won't even let me into the Pokemon League. Lame.
VIKKS is a SORE LOSER!
Well yeah, but its in-character! Either way, I promised to fight to toughen it up and that's what I'll do!
CHRIS appeared!
Woah, is that a Pokemon or what? I'll just use my Pokedex here...
POKEDEX: This is a trainer known for his constant acts of aggression.
Erm... interesting. Well, I want to fight you, Mr. Chris!
...
Um, hello, narrator? I said, I want to fight!
...
Well?
...
Erm... so why is it I can't start a fight, huh? Why is it everyone else has to start a fight with ME?
Its just how the GAME works!
CHRIS wants to fight!
See what I mean? Whatever... Prepare to do battle, fool!
CHRIS sent out HISMOM!
That is... without a doubt... one of the scariest Pokemon I've ever seen.
Get'm, SQUIRTLE!
Alright Squirtle. Use your Squirt attack!!
SQUIRTLE used SQUIRT!
SQURITLE squirted ORANGE JUICE into Enemy HISMOM's eyes!
Ah ha! Yes!
Enemy HISMOM's RAGE is greatly building!
Oops. Figures you would do nothing again, Squirtle.
Enemy HISMOM used SING!
Crap! Don't put my Squirtle to sleep!
Enemy HISMOM's SINGING is so bad that SQUIRTLE faints! Use next Pokemon?
Ugh... that's even worse! I guess I have no choice but to engage her myself!
The enemy is hideous! Get'm, VIKKS!
Hmm... alright, I'll use my uh... DEVOLVE ATTACK!
NARRATOR didn't know you had THAT ATTACK!
Erm... well, I do! Did it work?
VIKKS used DEVOLVE!
What? Enemy HISMOM is devolving!
Mwahahaha! When it is finished getting weaker, then I should be able to defeat it!
Enemy HISMOM devolved into FRENCHWHORE!
Oh god... Well, I guess I'll finish her with my Fury Punch now!
VIKKS used FURY PUNCH!
Hit 7 times!
Take that, you whore!
Enemy FRENCHWHORE fainted!
VIKKS gained 10 exp!
Looks like I win, Christopher!
VIKKS didn't WIN!
Wait, I didn't? Why not?
CHRIS has another POKeMON!
Oh...
CHRIS sent out BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON!
Err... isn't that a Yu Gi Mon thing?
Enemy BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON used WHITE LIGHTNING!
Aw crap.
VIKKS fainted!
So this is what its like to be a fainted Pokemon.
YUGI appeared!
Well err.. there's Yugi. Hey, can you help me?
YUGI says SURE!
Ally YUGI sent out DARKMAGICIAN!
There we go! 2500 Attack points!
Ally DARKMAGICIAN used DARK MAGIC ATTACK!
It doesn't affect Enemy BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON...
Ugh! Oh no, what will become of me now??
VIKKS has FAINTED! He shouldn't be TALKING in the FIRST PLACE!
Oh... right.

Player: Yugi Moto [no record yet]
(Pokemon Lineup: DARKMAGICIAN, SUMMONEDSKULL, GAIAKNIGHT, KURIBOH)

Oh no! How could Dark Magic Attack fail? I knew I should've checked Blue Eyes White Dragon's attack points first!
Enemy BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON used WHITE LIGHTNING!
DARKMAGICIAN is sent to the graveyard! Use next Pokemon?
Oh no! Dark Magician!! I'm out of here!
YUGI ran away!
CHRIS wins!
That's fine, but I live to fight another day!
YUGI realizes he forgot to return his DARKMAGICIAN card!
What?? I did? Oh, no! I need to go back!
TOO LATE! 
DARKMAGICIAN was caught by CHRIS!
Nooo! Not my Dark Magician!

Player: Chris [2-0-0]
(Pokemon Lineup: DARKMAGICIAN, BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON, FRENCHWHORE)

Hahahahaha! With my lineup, I'm invincible!
CHRIS is far from INVINCIBLE!
Well soon enough, Mr. Narrator, soon enough I will be...
BATTLE used END!

Battle #3, PokeDeath
Location: Pewter City
Player: Rikks a Lot [2-0-0]
(Pokemon Lineup: CHARCOAL, X-BOX, BILLGATES)

Hmm... well it looks like a fine day in Pewter City. I better get to the Gym, though. The one in Viridian was locked, hopefully this one is not!
Wild GYM appeared!
Wild? Whatever. Now to open the door...
RIKKSALOT used OPEN!
Its super effective!
Enemy DOOR fainted!
Wait a minute... how does a door faint?
NO IDEA!
DOOR opened!
That's better. Now let's try to find that Gym Leader.
JRTRAINER appeared!
Noo! Blast these Gym minions...
JRTRAINER says hes the ONLY ONE in this GYM!
Well whatever. Go, Bill Gates, show this Jr. Trainer why you are the president of Microsoft!
OAK: RIKKSALOT! Its not the time to use that!
Why not? ... Oh, the Trainer didn't "Want to fight" yet. Ok.
JRTRAINER wants to fight!
JRTRAINER sent out SANDSHREW!
Okay, now I can send out my Pokemon, right?
RIGHT!
In that case, gooo, Bill Gat--
Go, CHARCOAL!
What? Wait, I wanted to use Bill Gates!
CHARCOAL was in the FRONT of your TEAM!
RIKKSALOT should read TRAINER TIPS more often!
Ugh. Fine. Charcoal, use your Char attack!
CHARCOAL used CHAR!
Enemy SANDSHREW was burnt black!
Ah ha! Just like what happened to my Charmander!
JRTRAINER says you will PAY for hurting his poor SANDSHREW!
Meaningless threat! Now Charcoal, use your Chardust attack! Turn that Sandshrew to dust!
CHARCOAL used DUST!
Enemy SANDSHREW turned to dust!
Enemy SANDSHREW died!
Woah... it "died"?? I didn't know they could die, only faint.
JRTRAINER is angry!
Yeah... sorry about that, man.
JRTRAINER wants to fight!
What else is new? But you had only one Pokemon.
JRTRAINER sent out JRTRAINER!
Ah, fighting yourself are you? Okay. I'll take this opportunity to switch into Bill Gates, then.
Enough, CHARCOAL!
Go, BILLGATES!
Alright... use your Windows attack!
BILLGATES used WINDOWS!
BILLGATES is confused!
Enemy JRTRAINER is confused!
Hmm... confusing both parties I see. I can live with that.
BILLGATES committed suicide in its confusion!
BILLGATES died!
Well, I suppose it could've been worse.
JRTRAINER also committed suicide in its confusion!
Wait... Jr Trainer is an "it"?
JRTRAINER died!
Whatever, I win!
BILLGATES is rising!
Huh? I thought he was dead?
BILLGATES was renamed UNDEADGATES!
Ah, so it must be part Ghost type now. Not bad.
Return, UNDEADGATES!
Now we just need to find Brock.
YOU must WAIT!
BATTLE used END!

Battle #4, Ugh, Parents!
Location: Pallet Town
Player: Rikk's Mom [no record yet]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)

Dumm da da da dee... Dee da da da dum!
NARRATOR asks RIKKSMOM to stop HUMMING!
But why dearie? I like to hum! Its not like I have anything better to do anyway. My lousy son never visits!
All I end up doing is sitting in this chair all day... so humming is what I do!
NARRATOR is here to INFORM you that RIKKSALOT's first GYM BATTLE will be held in PEWTER CITY soon!
OH? But its only Battle #4!
*tears up*
My little boy... growing up...
Maybe YOU should GO and WATCH!
But... how will I get there? Aren't there wild Pokemon in the tall grass?
OAK barges into your HOME!
Thats normal in Kanto.
OAK: I know! You need your own POKeMON for protection. At my old age, I only have one left! But you can have it, here!
Well thank you Professor! You are so kind. Even if you were eavesdropping.
RIKKSMOM got a BULBASAUR!
Give a nickname to the BULBASAUR you just received?
Hmm... lets see... how about "Cutiepie"?
CUTIEPIE is an awful NICKNAME!
Well its my decision, dearie. Just name it already.
BULBASAUR was named CUTIEPIE!
Meanwhile...

Location: Pewter City Gym
Player: Rikks a Lot [3-0-0]
(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, CHARCOAL, X-BOX)

Um... Hello? Brock?
OLDMAN appeared!
Huh? You're not Brock... Brock's not that old.
OLDMAN says hes the GYM LEADER!
No way, the sign outside said Brock is the Gym Leader!
OLDMAN was renamed BROCKSDAD!
Oh right... Brock decided to journey with that Ash Ketchum guy. I forgot about that.
RIKKSMOM appeared!
Huh? Mom?? What are you doing here?
RIKKSMOM explained to RIKKS how she got a BULBASAUR and came to WATCH!
Erm... Okay, I guess. If thats okay with you, Brock's dad...   
BROCKSDAD wants to fight!
I guess it is.
BROCKSDAD sent out GEOCITIES!
Geocities huh? It must be related to Geodude somehow.
Hmm... I guess I'll try out X-Bo...
Go, CHARCOAL!
Dang it. I knew I forgot to do something.
Whatever, use your Dust attack! That always seems to do something.
Enemy GEOCITIES gest the first MOVE!
Oh... okay, then.
Enemy GEOCITIES used WEB PAGE!
CHARCOAL used the PC and created a WEBSITE!
Erm... good for you, Charcoal. But I need you to use your Dust attack now.
But if GEOCITIES crashes, then CHARCOAL's website will be GONE!
CHARCOAL is paralyzed! It may not attack!
Dang it!
Enemy GEOCITIES used AD!
Enemy GEOCITIES is now advertising on CHARCOAL's website!
Enemy GEOCITIES is now rich!
Are you just going to take that, Charcoal??
CHARCOAL is angry!
Good! Now attack it, Charcoal!
CHARCOAL used DELETE!
CHARCOAL's website is fully DELETED!
Well, that's something.
Enemy GEOCITIES lost revenue!
Enemy GEOCITIES was taken down by YAHOO!
Erm... does that mean its uh, gone?
Enemy GEOCITIES fainted.
I guess it does. Alright, Brock's dad... Time to pay up!
BROCKSDAD: Congratulations! You've earned this Badge!
RIKKSALOT got the WEBSITE BADGE!
Alright! One down, seven to go!
VIKKS appeared!
Oh no, not that jerk..
VIKKS wants to fight...
Ah ha! Fine by me!
...BROCKSDAD for the WEBSITE BADGE!
Oh, sure. I guess I'll just leave then... 

Location: Outside Pewter Gym

RIKKSMOM is PROUD of you!
RIKKSMOM wants to know if she can JOIN YOU on your POKeMON JOURNEY!
Um, no way, mom. I kinda started on this journey to get away from you... you know?
RIKKSMOM is sad.
RIKKSMOM returned home to PALLET TOWN.
Ah well, I'm sure she understands.
BATTLE used END! 

Battle #5, Chris Encounter!
Location: East of Pewter City
Player: Rikks a Lot [4-0-0]
(Pokemon Lineup: CHARCOAL, UNDEADGATES, X-BOX)

RIKKSALOT is walking EAST!
Thanks for the reminder, Narrator.
NARRATOR narrates! Its ALL it knows HOW to DO!
I guess we all need a role in life.
CHRIS appeared!
CHRIS wants to fight! 
Hmm... well, I don't know about this.
RIKKSALOT doesn't have a CHOICE!
CHRIS reminds you that he's a MANIAC!
Yes. I've noticed.
CHRIS says if you don't BATTLE, he will KILL you and your POKeMON!
Hmph! Fine, I'll win easy!
CHRIS sent out FRENCHWHORE!
Woah, that Pokemon looks kind of like him!
Enemy CHRIS is angry!
Like I care...
RIKKSALOT will lose AUTOMATICALLY if he does not send out a POKeMON!
Fine. I guess I'll use Char-
RIKKSALOT forgets that X-BOX is now at the front of his lineup!
Go, X-BOX!
Why do I even need to bother sending out a Pokemon then?
Hmm... I've never actually used X-Box before. Wonder what this "X-Attack" is? Oh well go for that.
X-BOX used X-ATTACK!
X-BOX went to see an X-RATED MOVIE!
Porn?
Yes, PORN!
Nice.
X-BOX will come back in 2 hours!
Aww...
X-BOX is gone. Use next Pokemon? 
I suppose I can use Charcoal NOW, right?
The enemy may be the ugliest thing alive! Go for it, CHARCOAL!
Enemy FRENCHWHORE used SCREAM!
Enemy FRENCHWHORE is SCREAMING!
Ahhh! Make it stop! Its hurting my ears!
CHARCOAL used SCRATCH!
Enemy FRENCHWHORE fainted!
Phew... I thought my eardrums were done for.
CHRIS sent out DARKMAGICIAN!
This one looks tough.. Alright Charcoal! Use your Coal attack!
CHARCOAL used COAL!
Enemy DARKMAGICIAN got COAL in its STOCKING for CHRISTMAS!
Enemy DARKMAGICIAN is sad!
Excellent, you have demoralized him, Charcoal!
Enemy DARKMAGICIAN slits its WRISTS!
Excellent. It will be dead in no time.
But it failed...
Darn. Even failing to kill yourself. That's some serious fail right there.
At least its distracted. C'mon, Charcoal, do something!
CHARCOAL used CHARDUST!
DARKMAGICIAN was turned to DUST!
DARKMAGICIAN died!
You know, I'm really starting to like that attack.
CHRIS sent out BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON!
Oh my! A giant dragon?? No!
BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON used OBLITERATE!
Huh? I thought that was Exodias attack? Blue Eyes White Dragon uses White Lightning.
BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON is too STUPID to know THAT!
CHARCOAL fainted!
Ugh... Damn you, Narrator!
NARRATOR made a MISTAKE!
Huh?
CHARCOAL died!
WHAT? NOOOOOOO! NOT MY STARTER POKEMON! That leaves only...
Go, UNDEADGATES!
Quickly Gates... give him a Computer virus or something!
UNDEADGATES used VIRUS!
UNDEADGATES' COMPUTER crashes!
Uh... you were supposed to give a Virus to the opponent's computer...
UNDEADGATES is angry!
Well its your own fault, you know.
Enemy BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON used WHITE LIGHTNING!
Oh no! Dodge it!
BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON's attack missed!
Finally, some luck in my favor! Quickly, use your Windows attack!
UNDEADGATES used WINDOWS!
UNDEADGATES is confused!
BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON is confused!
Excellent.
CHRIS withdrew BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON.
CHRIS sent out CHRIS!
Down to just you, huh, Chris? Alright Gates, show him what you're made out of! Windows attack!
UNDEADGATES is confused!
Oh, right...
UNDEADGATES hurt itself in its confusion!
UNDEADGATES fainted!
That would happen. I suppose its just you and me, now. 
Get'm, RIKKSALOT!
Hmm... if Vikks had a De-evolve attack... I wonder if...
RIKKSALOT used EVOLVE!
What? RIKKSALOT is evolving!
Into what?? That is the question...
RIKKSALOT evolved into KNIGHTRIKKS!
Sweet, shiny armor and a sword! Score! Eat steel!
KNIGHTRIKKS used SLASH!
Its a critical hit!
Enemy CHRIS fainted!
Mwahahaha! I am victorious!
Not so FAST!
Huh?
BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON's Pokeball fell from CHRIS's body and opened!
Figures...
Enemy BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON used WHITELIGHTNING!
Well, that's the end of me. The Dragon slays the Knight this time...
KNIGHTRIKKS fainted!
Woe is me.
TWO HOURS pass...
X-BOX came back!
Great, now come over here are revive me!
YOU have FAINTED! Do not TALK or you will DIE!
Uh... ok...
X-BOX liked the MOVIE!
...
X-BOX used POKeBALL!
...?
KNIGHTRIKKS was caught in the POKeBALL!
...!!!!
BATTLE used END!

And there you have it... the first five Flare Version Pokebattles, updated and improved from their original version. What will become of Rikks, who lost Charcoal and became captured by his own X-Box? Find out soon when I post Battles 6 through 10! I hope you enjoyed!

FLARE VERSION Player Database

Rikks the Knight [4-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, CHARCOAL [dead])

Vikks [0-2]
(Pokemon Lineup: SQUIRTLE)

Chris [2-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: FRENCHWHORE, BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON, DARKMAGICIAN [dead])

Yugi Moto [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: GAIAKNIGHT, SUMMONEDSKULL, KURIBOH)

Jr. Trainer [0-1, dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: SANDSHREW [dead])

Rikk's Mom [no record yet]
(Pokemon Lineup: CUTIEPIE)

Brock's Dad [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: GEOCITIES)

X-Box [1-0]
(Pokemon Lineup: KNIGHTRIKKS)

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