Welcome to the Cheesiest Blog on the Web

Welcome to the blog of The Killer Nacho, known to most mortals as Timothy J. Sharpe, a Computer Science graduate of Messiah College and currently a Systems Analyst for Sunoco Logistics. Within this tome of pages, one will find my innermost thoughts about various things concerning things that I enjoy. These subjects include, but are not limited to, roleplaying, gaming, American Football (the NFL), things to do with computers, philosophy, movies that are awesome, TV shows that are awesome, my own writings and creative works, and dangerous Mexican snacks.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Pokebattles Flare Version, Battles 6 - 10: Tensions Rising


 FLARE VERSION

Quite some time ago, I became enamored with a Pokemon parody known as Pokebattles (www.pokebattles.com) by Jason Ross. Much like others, I decided to write a few of my own, which turned into my own "Version", Flare Version. While a lot of it was amateurish due to my young age, I've decided to re-write it (and thereby improving the quality) and post it here on my blog for others to enjoy.

Battles 6 to 10 feature mainly Rikks and Vikks attempting to gain power through alliances. Vikks allies himself with the evil Chris we met in the previous battles and a strange Zombie known as Da Zombie Man. To fight off this evil, Rikks finds unlikely allies of his own (one an act of divine intervention).

Narrator text
Player text

Battle #6, Trying to Keep Up
Location: Pewter City Gym
Player: Vikks [0-2]
(Pokemon Lineup: SQUIRTLE)

C'mon now, Narrator! Where are you?
I've been waiting here since the end of Battle #4.
SORRY, but KNIGHTRIKKS gets PRIORITY.
You KNOW, MAIN CHARACTER and EVERYTHING.
Lame! I'm just as important as he is! I'm sure all of the readers think so!
VIKKS greatly OVERESTIMATES his IMPORTANCE!
Where would any good hero be without his rival? Of course I'm important!
Now, let's get down to business, Gym Leader!
BROCKSDAD wants to fight!
Finally!
BROCKSDAD sent out GEOCITIES!
One advantage to picking the Water type, Squirtle, is it should make quick work of your Rock type Pokemon!
Go, SQUIRTLE!
Okay, so I've learned from my mistakes. I don't want to use Squirt so..
SQUIRTLE used SQUIRT!
No wait! I said NOT TO USE SQUIRT!
SQURITLE squirted APPLE JUICE all around!
It's super ineffective!
Great, just great! What a big waste of a perfectly good turn!
Enemy GEOCITIES used ERROR!
Enemy GEOCITIES will not let SQUIRTLE work on its WEBSITE!
That's fine. Squirtle doesn't even have a website.
SQUIRTLE does indeed have a WEBSITE!
You do, Squirtle?
YES, SQUIRTLE owns POKeBATTLES WATER VERSION!
Oh... I see. I'm surprised it isn't the "Squirt version" or something.
SQUIRTLE used SQUIRT!
Damn it!
But SQUIRTLE has no more JUICE in its MOUTH!
That's it, no more juice for you anymore, either.
Enemy GEOCITIES used DELETE!
SQUIRTLE's WEBSITE is now DELETED!
SQUIRTLE's RAGE is building!
Cool! The Narrator is being unfair in my favor for once!
SQUIRTLE used RAGE... on ITSELF!
Spoke too soon...
VIKKS is reminded of the GREAT POWER that rests in the NARRATOR's HANDS!
What? You're just a booming voice. You have no hands!
STORMCLOUDS appear above VIKK's HEAD!
Eeep! I'm sorry almighty narrator! Please, show mercy!
MERCY is not in NARRATOR's DICTIONARY!
Please, Narrator, please! I can't lose this! Please don't allow me to lose!!
NARRATOR has NO INTENTION of letting a TRAINER with only a level 5 SQUIRTLE earn a GYM BADGE!
But... Rikks beat him! And his Pokemon has negative levels!
VIKKS has a point...
Wait, I do? ... 
I mean yes, I do!
...of a SWORD in his SPLEEN!
OWWWOUCHHH!!! OK OK, I'LL BE GOOD!
BROCKSDAD wants to KNOW why you are ARGUING with a BOOMING VOICE!
Because its...
LARGE DARK STORM CLOUDS appear above VIKKS's HEAD!
Erm... no reason!
STORM CLOUDS disappear!
Now lets get back to the battle, shall we...
Enemy GEOCITIES used COUNTER!
Enemy GEOCITIES threw a COUNTER at SQUIRTLE!
Ooh, that looks like it hurt a lot...
SQUIRTLE fainted! 
Noooo! I lost!
VIKKS had it COMING!
Hmm... Well, I'll just catch up to ol' Rikks and steal his Badge, then!
THAT will be HARD considering KNIGHTRIKKS was CAPTURED by his own X-BOX!
Well that sucks for him! But I'll just defeat his X-Box for it, then!
VIKKS will never WIN!
We'll just see about that, Narrator!
BATTLE used END!

Battle #7, Divine Intervention
Location: Earth
Player: Reece Benlier [no record yet]
(Pokemon Lineup: LUCARIO)

You wanted to see me, Nacho?
WEBMASTER KILLERNACHO says he needs YOU to do SOMETHING!
Uh... depends what it is. You want to battle or something?
KILLERNACHO says not THIS TIME!
Then what?
KILLERNACHO says SOMEONE must go to FLARE VERSION and free KNIGHTRIKKS from his X-BOX!
Well naturally, I agree.
KILLERNACHO strongly IMPLIES that SOMEONE should be YOU!
Wait what? You can't do that!
KILLERNACHO says he CAN!
KILLERNACHO used FLARE PORTAL!
PORTAL to FLARE VERSION appeared!
Wow, flashy.
REECE is being SUCKED IN!
Aaaah! C'mon man, help me!
KILLERNACHO says that if you free KNIGHTRIKKS he will CONSIDER bringing you BACK!
Ugh, fine! It appears I have no choice!
REECE was dragged through the PORTAL!

Location: Cerulean City

Hmm... Cerulean City. I never thought it would look so... Cerulean...
REECE looks AROUND!
Hmm... everything looks normal. Wonder where I can find this X-Box guy.
X-BOX appeared!
Really? Well that was simple.
Hey you there! Gaming device with an X on it!
X-BOX stares at you!
Yes, you! Let Rikks go and no harm will be done to you!
X-BOX used LAUGH.
X-BOX is laughing!
Oh? You're going to make this difficult are you?
X-BOX says he will never GIVE UP his only POKeMON!
Looks I shall have to convince you with a show of force...
X-BOX wants to fight!
They always do...
X-BOX sent out KNIGHTRIKKS!
Rikks! Are you okay?
KNIGHTRIKKS begs you to PUT him out of his MISERY!
In due time. Can't you just, like, run away now?
KNIGHTRIKKS says he would LIKE TO but CAN'T.
What? Why not?
X-BOX reminds REECE that KNIGHTRIKKS is a low-level POKEMON!
Oh. That sucks for you, then.
I guess in order to save you, I have to beat you up first. Makes sense.
The enemy is a sad freak! Get'm, LUCARIO!
Allright, Lucario! Start off with a Swords Dance!
LUCARIO used SWORDS DANCE!
LUCARIO dances with SWORDS!
So uh, my attack increases, right?
NO!
Oh, darn.
Enemy KNIGHTRIKKS used PUNCH!
Its super effective!
Grr... That's right, Lucario is part Steel-type. I'm weak to fighting.
No more playing around, use your Flare powers!
LUCARIO used FLARE POWERS!
And?
Uh... FLARE VERSION'S MIGHT falls on KNIGHTRIKKS!
That sounds like it would do a lot of damage, yes?
KNIGHTRIKKS is banished to HELL!
What?? That can't be good. Killer Nacho won't like that.
Nearby VOLCANO errupts!
Uh oh ... Take cover!!!
Return, LUCARIO!
REECE used TAKE COVER!
REECE took cover in NEARBY GYM with X-BOX!
How bad is it out there??
REECE used the WINDOW.
CERULEAN CITIZENS are burning to DEATH!
I don't think this is a good thing. This is all your fault you blasted X-Box!
X-BOX reminds you that it was YOU who used FLARE POWERS!
Great, just great. And to top it all off, I wasn't able to save Rikks. Instead, I seemed to have killed him.
KNIGHTRIKKS BLASTED out of the VOLCANO!
What? He's alive??
KNIGHTRIKKS took SHELTER inside the GYM, too!
What? KNIGHTRIKKS is evolving!
Hmm... that guy seems to evolve every other battle.
KNIGHTRIKKS evolved into HELLKNIGHTRIKKS!
HELLKNIGHTRIKKS: Not even the forces of Hell wanted me!
I suppose that explains the Volcano... Except not really, but sure.
Enemy HELLKNIGHTRIKKS used LEVELUP!
HELLKNIGHTRIKKS advanced to LEVEL 21!
Nicely done! Just high enough so X-Box can't control you anymore!
X-BOX curses loudly!
Ally HELLKNIGHTRIKKS used POKeBALL!
X-BOX was caught!
Well, it seems everything worked out after all.
HELLKNIGHTRIKKS thanks you for your HELP!
No problem. Beating people up is something I do best.
Now I think the Webmaster will return me to Earth... right?
WEBMASTER KILLERNACHO says NO!
But... but... why the hell not? I freed Rikks like you wanted!
KILLERNACHO says you were FAR too AMUSING.
Please reconsider! Please! Noooo!
You mean... I'm stuck here forever?
At least until DEATH, which should come SOON!
Nooooooooooooo!!
JARJARBINKS appeared!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
BATTLE used END! 

Battle #8, Alliance against Team Rocket!
Location: Cerulean Gym
Player: Jar Jar Binks [no record yet]
(Pokemon Lineup: None)

Woooaoaaahah! Bigsaerruption!! Hadtotakecovernowokeeday?
NARRATOR says you are CONFUSING!
NARRATOR says PEOPLE will get HURT in their CONFUSION!
Likesaidacarese? Coulddieicouldsa!! Tohetagym!
NARRATOR is confused!
NARRATOR hurt itself in its confusion.
Hhahahahhhahahahah!
NARRATOR bought TRANSLATOR!
NARRATOR used the TRANSLATOR! 
(Talk talk talk talk ... Wait a minute? Why is it I'm speaking proper English all of a sudden?)
NARRATOR is RELIEVED that it WORKS!
(I guess. I had to come in here to avoid being burned to bits like everyone else!)
NARRATOR thinks that wouldn't be SO BAD!
(That's not very nice! Anyway, this Gym is very decorative! Huge pool of water... and wait, who's that?)
THAT is HELLKNIGHTRIKKS, who is looking for the GYM LEADER!

Player: Rikks the Hell Knight [4-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, X-BOX, CHARCOAL [dead])

Well?? Where the hell is Misty?
MISTY's SISTERS explain for the FINAL TIME that MISTY went with ASH!
You lie!!
But if this is the case... how do I get the badge here?
MISTY's SISTERS says they will just GIVE it to you for FREE!
Oh, sweet!
By the way, can you all stop speaking in unison like that? It's scaring me.
HELLKNIGHTRIKKS got the DUMMY BADGE!
Sweet! I know I earned this one!
HELLKNIGHTRIKKS notices JARJARBINKS!
OH DEAR GOD! Please, don't talk! You pained me enough in the Phantom Menace! 
JARJARBINKS says (It's okay, the Narrator activate a Translator. Although I like my voice better.)
Okay, phew... That was a close one!
Anyway, I'm headed to Vermillion City with this swell Reece Benlier guy!
REECE looks DISPLEASED!
Aw, don't worry. You'll start liking it here, real soon!
Anyway, we're headed to Vermillion. Wanna come?
JARJARBINKS said SURE!
JARJARBINKS joined the party!
REECE joined the party!
Great... now I have a party to rival Ash's!
YOU have no such PARTY!
I don't? I beg to differ! Just give me a chance to test out our newfound alliance!
NARRATOR agrees!
JESSIE and JAMES appeared!
Aaah! Team Rocket!! What to do, what to do?
JESSIE and JAMES wants your RARE POKeMON!
Now what would Ash do in this situation...?
ASH would send out PIKACHU!
Well, I don't have a Pikachu! Looks like I'll have to make due with what I got...
JESSIE and JAMES wants to fight!
JESSIE sent out EKANS!
JAMES sent out KOFFING!
Ally JARJARBINKS send out GUNGAN!
Ally REECE sent out LUCARIO!
I guess I'll use my X-Box!
Go, UNDEADGATES!
Oh forget it...
Enemy KOFFING used KOFF!
Enemy KOFFING is KOFFING about!
Um... that seems highly pointless...
Enemy EKANS used REVERSE NAME!
EKANS was renamed SNAKE!
Equally pointless... It was already a snake.
Ally GUNGAN used GUNGA BOMB!
Enemy SNAKE blew up!
JESSIE blasted off!
Nice going, Jar Jar! One down, one to go!
Ally LUCARIO used FOCUS BLAST!
Ally LUCARIO is having a BLAST getting FOCUSED!
What does that even mean? I really hope it doesn't mean what I think it does.
In any event... my turn. Use your PC attack, Gates!
UNDEADGATES used PC ATTACK!
KOFFING was HIT over the HEAD with a PC!
I guess he doesn't care about it anymore since it crashed.
KOFFING fainted!
JAMES blasted off!
We win! Good job guys!
TEAM uses SLAP!
TEAM's HANDS are completely SLAPPED!
BATTLE used END! 

Battle #9, Vikks' Rising
Location: North of Vermillion City
Player: Vikks [0-3]
(Pokemon Lineup: SQUIRTLE)

VIKKS is WAITING for HELLKNIGHTRIKKS!
Well GEE! Thanks for stating that so LOUDLY, NARRATOR!
THAT is the NARRATOR's JOB!
Well, don't you have some other poor defenseless human soul to torture?
NARRATOR says its more FUN to use TORTURE on VIKKS!
WHY? Just becuase I'm the rival?
Come on! Rikks gets all the good stuff! His X-Box, Bill Gates, his newfound allies...
NARRATOR will see to it that YOU will get something GOOD this BATTLE!
Wait, really? That's awfully nice for you...
NARRATOR says to NOT MENTION IT!
Wild SPEAROW appeared!
Ah! This must be the "good something" you were talking about!
IT IS!
Great! Go, Squirtle!
Do it, SQUIRTLE!
Alright lets try something new! Try your Water Gun attack!
SQUIRTLE used WATER GUN!
SQUIRTLE used its WATER GUN to SQUIRT water on Enemy SPEAROW!
Damn it! Does Squirtle have a single move that can't be turned into a bad pun?
VIKKS will THINK of SOMETHING eventually...
Wild SPEAROW used PECK!
Its a critical hit!
Oh no, poor Squirtle! But he's still up... Try using uh... Hydro Pump!
SQUIRTLE doesn't KNOW that MOVE!
But why not? Everyone else gets to make up attacks all the time in this Version!
But NOT YOU!
Fine... try ... Tackle?
SQUIRTLE used TACKLE! 
Its a critical hit!
Wild SPEAROW fainted!
Haha, yes, SCORE ONE FOR VIKKS!
Now to use just this Pokeball...
OAK: VIKKS! It's not the time to use that!
Huh? But gramps... there's a fainted Pokemon right here.
Wouldn't this be the ideal time to capture it?
OAK: VIKKS! It's not the time to use that!
WELL YOU KNOW WHAT, GRAMPS? I DON'T CARE! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
OAK is angry!
That's just too bad, now isn't it? Go, Pokeball!
Go! POKeBALL!
POKeBALL ran away!
Did my Pokeball just sprout legs and walk away? Grr...
OAK: That's what you get for trying to ignore my wisdom!
Shut it gramps! I'll catch this Spearow if its the last thing I do!
IT just MIGHT BE!
Shut it, don't you mess with me too.
Lucky for me I have another Pokeball here.
VIKKS used the POKeBALL!
SPEAROW was caught!
YES!! My second Pokemon! I win, I win!
CHRIS appeared!
OH NO! NOT YOU AGAIN!
CHRIS says he isn't here to KILL you or your POKeMON ... THIS TIME!
Oh uh.. then what is it that you do want?
CHRIS says he wants to ALLY with you against HELLKNIGHTRIKKS!
CHRIS wants REVENGE for his ONE LOSS!
Revenge on Rikks you say? Well, I could certainly go for that...!
But... weren't you the one who wanted to fight in the first place?
CHRIS wants to know if you WANT to ALLY or NOT!
Okay, fine, whatever. But you better not backstab me or something...
CHRIS grins MENACINGLY!
This is such a bad idea, I can already feel it...
BATTLE used END!

Battle #10, The Final Team Member
Location: North of Vermillion City
Player: Da Zombie Man [no record yet]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)

Brains...
SOMETHING that YOU don't HAVE!
Graaah!! Who dares... to mock... the great... Zombie man... Graaah!!
NARRATOR wants to KNOW how you became a ZOMBIE!
I died... what else?
VIKKS and CHRIS appeared!
Brains..!!
VIKKS and CHRIS are frightened!
As you should be... I am... Da Zombie man! I will have... your brains...
VIKKS has no BRAIN!
VIKKS yells out loudly to the NARRATOR, "HEY, WATCH IT!"
You people... are strange... but if you have no brain... I still need brains...
What about you?
CHRIS has a BRAIN!
Brainssss... then hand it over!
CHRIS used BRAIN!
CHRIS has a BETTER IDEA!
Graaah??? Better than... Brains?
CHRIS says he can offer you THREE BRAINS if you AID THEM!
Oooh... to do... what?
VIKKS and CHRIS want to AMBUSH a TRAINER named HELLKNIGHTRIKKS and his two COMPANIONS to steal GYM BADGES!
If you HELP, you can have their BRAINS!
Mwahha!! This is... acceptable!
DAZOMBIEMAN joined the party! 
Excelllennt... so how long must we wait...
I really want... Brains...
HELLKNIGHTRIKKS, JARJARBINKS, and REECE appeared!
Well that was... quick... Brains.......
Ally VIKKS wants to fight!
Ally CHRIS wants to fight!
Whaaavaaa??? Traitors!
THEY want to fight the HELLKNIGHTRIKKS, not YOU!
Ovaaah... this is why... I need... a Brains...
HELLKNIGHTRIKKS wants to fight!
JARJARBINKS wants to fight!
REECE wants to fight!
Well I guess... I want to fight... too!
Looks like a 3 vs 3 match... Vahahahaa... Oh, and Brains.
JESSIE, JAMES, and MEWOTH apeared!
THEY say that NOW it will be a 3 VS 3 VS 3!
JESSIE, JAMES, and MEWOTH BLASTED OFF just for SAYING THAT!
Well... wahsn't that... pointless...
INDEED!
To be continued...
Whaaa??? Not now??? But I want Brains... And this wasn't much of a battle...
But it RAISES TENSION for BATTLE #11!
Brains...
BATTLE used END!  

And there you have it, a huge cliff-hanger for Battle #11. Which of these two alliances will prevail? I suppose you'll have to wait until I update and post 11 through 16. ;)

FLARE VERSION Player Database

Rikks the Hell Knight [5-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, X-BOX, CHARCOAL [dead])

Vikks [1-3]
(Pokemon Lineup: SQUIRTLE, SPEAROW)

Chris [2-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: FRENCHWHORE, BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON, DARKMAGICIAN [dead])

Yugi Moto [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: GAIAKNIGHT, SUMMONEDSKULL, KURIBOH)

Jr. Trainer [0-1, dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: SANDSHREW [dead])

Rikks' Mom [no record yet]
(Pokemon Lineup: CUTIEPIE)

Brock's Dad [1-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: GEOCITIES)

Reece Benlier [2-0]
(Pokemon Lineup: LUCARIO]

Jar Jar Binks [1-0]
(Pokemon Lineup: GUNGAN)

James [0-2]
(Pokemon Lineup: KOFFING)

Jessie [0-2]
(Pokemon Lineup: SNAKE)

Meowth [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)

Da Zombie Man [no record yet]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)

No comments:

Post a Comment