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Welcome to the blog of The Killer Nacho, known to most mortals as Timothy J. Sharpe, a Computer Science graduate of Messiah College and currently a Systems Analyst for Sunoco Logistics. Within this tome of pages, one will find my innermost thoughts about various things concerning things that I enjoy. These subjects include, but are not limited to, roleplaying, gaming, American Football (the NFL), things to do with computers, philosophy, movies that are awesome, TV shows that are awesome, my own writings and creative works, and dangerous Mexican snacks.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Pokebattles Flare Version, Battles 26-30: Vikks and Vick


 FLARE VERSION

Quite some time ago, I became enamored with a Pokemon parody known as Pokebattles (www.pokebattles.com) by Jason Ross. Much like others, I decided to write a few of my own, which turned into my own "Version", Flare Version. While a lot of it was amateurish due to my young age, I've decided to re-write it (and thereby improving the quality) and post it here on my blog for others to enjoy.

If you like Rikks' rival Vikks and hoped he would get more battles, this is a good series for you. A lot of the battles revolve around Vikks (or a body part of him). We are also introduced to Michael Vick, a football player who somehow got transported to Flare Version (the poor soul). At least he has some Dogfighting experience to fall back on.

Narrator text
Player text
God Text

Battle #26, Silly Mistake
Location: Fuchsia City
Player: Rikks the Outlaw [9-5-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: UNDEADGATES, X-BOX, CHARCOAL)

Damnit! That bastard Vikks... he will... he will regret the day he ever crossed me!
I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN, VIKKS!
VIKKZALOT appeared!
CRIS appeared!
PIZAMAN appeared!
AH HA!! I FOUND YOU GUYS!!!
VIKKZALOT, CRIS, and PIZAMAN are SHOCKED!
Yes that's right! Now it is I who is sneaking up on YOU.
Prepare to be defeated, my long-term rivals!
VIKKZALOT doesn't KNOW who you ARE!
What lies are these?? Of course you know me! You're my rival, my arch-nemesis, Vikks!
You will return the badges you stole, or you will be defeated, right here, right now!
VIKKZALOT doesn't KNOW what you are TALKING ABOUT!
OH? Playing stupid, is it? Well, prepare to do battle then, fiend!
Get'm, CHARCOAL!
Okay, Charcoal, just as we practiced! Attack Vikks!
CHARCOAL doesn't see VIKKSALOT!
What?? Of course you do, he's right there! Attack him!
CHARCOAL shrugs!
CHARCOAL used ATTACK!
CHARCOAL is ATTACKING Enemy VIKKZALOT!
Enemy VIKKZALOT died!
HA! Take that, you sick bastard! Now to take my badges back...
No BADGES found on VIKKZALOT's CORPSE!
What? How can this be??
One of you two must have it!
CRIS and PIZAMAN INSIST that they HAVE NO BADGES!
Please! You continue this charade? Even after seeing how futile your deception is?
Well... I guess if you guys have a death-wish too...
CRIS wants to fight!
PIZAMAN wants to fight!
I was born ready!
CRIS sent out HISDAD!
PIZAMAN sent out TOWER!
HUH? You guys got new Pokemon? Since when??
CRIS and PIZAMAN have ALWAYS HAD these POKeMON!
Liars! I can always look it up in the Trainer Database, you know... Here we go. 
Chris has a French whore and a Blue Eyes White Dragon and Pizzaman has a Cheese Pizza, Sausage Pizza, and a Mushroom Pizza!
Wait a minute...
Why are these Pokemon not listed in your Trainer Database entries??
OUTLAWRIKKS is thinking!
OUTLAWRIKKS finally GETS IT!
HUH? You guys really aren't them!
CRIS and PIZAMAN said NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!
Sheesh, what are the chances that a "Pizaman", "Cris" and "Vikkzalot" would all exist and be together? Doh!
OUTLAWRIKKS really should have CAUGHT onto THIS SOONER!
Hmm... I better find the REAL Vikks then. Sorry for wasting your time, guys...
Couldn't escape!
Huh?
CRIS and PIZAMAN still want to fight!
What? Why?!
YOU killed their FRIEND, VIKKZALOT! DUH!
Dang it... Fine, if its a battle you want... Charcoal, use your Flamethrower attack!
CHARCOAL used FLAMETHROWER!
CHARCOAL pulled out a FLAMETHROWER and mowed down Enemy HISDAD!
Enemy HISDAD died a HORRIBLE FIERY DEATH!
HAH!
CRIS and PIZAMAN ran away in terror!
My power is awesome!
Vikks... you're next!
BATTLE used END!

Battle #27, Vikks the Heartless
Location: Safari Zone
Player: Vikks a Lot [3-5]
(Pokemon Lineup: SQUIRTLE, SPEAROW, POLICEDOG)

Huh? Where is Chris and Pizzaman?
NARRATOR reminds VIKKSALOT that they didn't WANT TO PAY the ENTRY FEE for the SAFARI ZONE!
THEY thought it was a WASTE OF TIME!
Huh... oh yeah. I wonder why I forgot something like that.
PLOT DEVICE!
Oh... right.
Either way, this probably wasn't a good idea, in hindsight..! 
VIKKSALOT's HEART is POUNDING!
Yeah, no shit, Narrator!
Rikks could attack at like, any moment!
IT is YOUR FAULT, anyway!
Huh?? What did I do to possibly deserve it!
VIKKSALOT stole OUTLAWRIKKS' BADGES!
STEALING is QUITE EVIL!
BAH!! As if that is THAT BAD!
VIKKSALOT sees OUTLAWRIKKS in the distance!
WHAT? HOLY SHIT!!
SHARP PAIN is felt in VIKKSALOTS' chest!
GAAH!! WHAT IS THIS ???
VIKKSALOT is having a HEART ATTACK!
What the hell!! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!
INNOCENCE was LOST when you decided to STEAL!
VIKKSALOT shouldn't have been so HEARTLESS to OUTLAWRIKKS!
Ugh... Besides... you already.. used this joke... Da Zombie Man, remember?
But DAZOMBIEMAN didn't DIE from his HEART ATTACK!
Enemy HEART's attack continues!
UGH!! Damn it! Mercy, MERCY PLEASE!
MERCY still does not EXIST!
Can't we please work something out...? PLEASE?
NOT a CHANCE!
This is the FIRST TIME that the WEBMASTER allowed the NARRATOR to attempt to KILL VIKKSALOT!
Enemy HEART's attack continues!   
Damn it... I'm dying... and since when is my heart an enemy, anyway?
Since it ATTACKED YOU!
HEY NOW! It never "wanted to fight"! 
That's against the rules... isn't it??
SCREW the RULES, I have RED TEXT!
...
HEART wants to fight!
And if its fighting... that means I can fight back! Go Policedog!
Go, POLICEDOG!
HEART sent out HEART!
Err... now what...
Oh I know! Use Growl!
POLICEDOG used GROWL!
HAHA! That will intimidate my Heart into calling off its attack!
It does not affect Enemy HEART!
Enemy HEART's attack continues!
UGH!! Curses...!
C'mon Police Dog... do something ... for your master ... !!!
POLICEDOG used SOMETHING!
Erm... and...?
POLICEDOG joined Enemy HEART!
WHAT?
HEART withdrew HEART!
HEART sent out POLICEDOG!
Dang it..!
Well, at least the pain stopped...
Enemy POLICEDOG used BITE!
The PAIN resumed!
OWWWWWWWWW!!! OW OW OW!!!!!!
OUTLAWRIKKS heard the SCREAMING and is HEADED THIS WAY!
UGH! This is... not good...
HEART withdrew POLICEDOG!
Uh oh...
HEART used ATTACK!
Uggghhh!!! This is... the end !!!
VIKSKALOT fainted!
...
...
OUTLAWRIKKS appeared!
... Damn it, narrator.
VIKKSALOT is SUPPOSED to have FAINTED!
VIKKSALOT is LUCKY to even be ALIVE!
Grr...!
HEART ran away!
...

Player: Rikks the Outlaw [10-5-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: CHARCOAL, UNDEADGATES, X-BOX)

...
Odd, you don't see someone's heart run away like that very often.
OUTLAWRIKKS checked VIKKSALOT's PULSE!
Especially with them still being alive...
I guess I'll use this opportunity to get my badges back...
OUTLAWRIKKS got the BADGES!
Horay!
BATTLE used END!

Battle #28, Michael Vick, Pokemon Master
Location: Fuchsia City
Player: Vikks' Heart [1-0]
(Pokemon Lineup: POLICEDOG)

Blub... blub... blub... blub...
HEART is still BEATING!
Blub... Yes, blub... I am... blub...
NARRATOR wants to KNOW why VIKKSALOT is still ALIVE!
Blub... I don't... blub... know... blub... You're the one... blub... that never... blub... narrated his... blub... death...
VIKKSALOT was HEARTLESS, anyway!
Then... blub... what am I?... blub
NARRATOR is confused!
Blub... Ha... blub... Ha!
Blub... blub... blub... blub... blub... blub... blub...
...
Blub... blub... blub... blub... blub... blub... blub...
Wild VICK appeared!
Blub... Of... blub... the Eagles...? Blub...
YES!
VICK said HI!
VICK wants to KNOW why he is HERE!
Blub... I ... blub... Don't know. Blub... you're the one... blub... that just "appeared"... blub.
VICK wants to KNOW where HERE is!
Blub... This is... blub... the Flare Version of... blub... Pokemon.
VICK wants to KNOW if there is FOOTBALL in FLARE VERSION!
Blub... nope!
VICK wants to KNOW if there is DOG-FIGHTING in FLARE VERSION!
Hmm... blub... Does this... blub... answer your question... blub?
Go for it, POLICEDOG!
VICK is pleased!
VICK thinks he can FIT very well in FLARE VERSION!
Good... blub... for you... blub...
VICK wants to KNOW if he can HANG AND ELECTROCUTE the DOGS who don't FIGHT WELL!
Err... blub... I've never heard... blub... of that practice... blub... of Pokemon training... blub...
VICK is angry!
Blub... Sorry...
VICK wants to KNOW why it is TALKING to a HUMAN HEART, anyway!
Blub... I escaped... blub... the chest... blub... of my... blub... human.
VICK thinks that is DISTURBING!
Blub... And?... blub...
VICK is getting SICK of your constant BLUBING!
I'm ... blub.. a heart... blub.... What do you... blurb... expect?
VICK wants to fight!
I... blub... accept... blub.
Go, ... blub... my Dog... blub...
POLICEDOG is already out!
VICK wants to KNOW what happens if he DOESN't HAVE a POKEY MAN!
Blub... send out... blub... yourself...
VICK sent out VICK!
There... blub... you go... blub...
VICK said COOL!
Enemy VICK used ELECTROCUTE!
Enemy VICK electrocuted POLICEDOG!
Blub... Somehow, ... blub... I should've expected... blub.... that...
Blub... Policedog... blub... use Bite... blub...
POLICEDOG used BITE!
VICK said OWWWWWWWWWWW!
Just... blub... Give up... blub...
VICK said he CAN'T!
VICK's GAMEBOY said he can't RUN AWAY from a TRAINER BATTLE!
Blub... sucks to be... blub... you...
VICK wants to go HOME!
Too... blub... bad.
VICK is angry!
Blub... blub... blub...
VICK used THROW!
VICK was widely inaccurate!
Blub... kay... blub...
VICK was so INACCURATE he LOST!
Yay... blub...
VICK is angry!
Yes... blub... I get it... blub...
VICK said he NEEDS a POKeMON!
Blub... Go find... blub... one, then.
VICK said OKAY!
BATTLE used END!

Battle #29, Vick's Weedle
Location: Viridian Swamps
Player: Michael Vick [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)

I want to go home...
VICK can't go HOME!
VICK is STUCK HERE for the REST of his LIFE!
Sigh... this narrator is getting annoying.
NARRATOR said this can be HARD or IMPOSSIBLE!
... Okay, fine. I'll cooperate.
I guess I should just find a Pokey man, alright?
Wild WEEDLE appeared!
I'm sorry... a "weed hill"? What in the name of illegal dog fighting is that?
WEEDLE is a CATERPILLAR Pokemon!
Oh boy... So uh... little weed thing... how did you just... appear?
WEEDLE doesn't KNOW!
WEEDLE wants to KNOW if you are going to CATCH IT!
Catch you? 
I guess so. I mean, I do need to survive in this strange alien world.
WEEDLE notices VICK does not have a POKeBALL!
A pockey what?
POKeBALL came FLYING from the SKY to VICK's feet!
Err... just what is this strange red and white contraction? 
Do I throw it or something?
NARRATOR said YES!
Oh! So its kind of like a Football!
NARRATOR said NOT EXACTLY but CLOSE ENOUGH!
Oh well... here goes nothing...
VICK threw the POKeBALL!
But it missed... badly!
VICK overthrew Wild WEEDLE by like... TWENTY YARDS!
Err... oops... let me try again.
VICK ran and got the POKeBALL!
Okay Weed hill... catch...
VICK threw the POKeBALL!
WEEDLE caught...
Awesome!
NO! AS in, WEEDLE caught the POKeBALL!
Erm... wasn't that the whole idea?
NO!
Oh...
WEEDLE throws the POKeBALL back to you!
VICK catchs the POKeBALL!
Oh?? It's a throw-off you want, huh?
Fine by me.
VICK used THROW REALLY REALLY HARD!
POKeBALL bounced off Wild WEEDLE!
HAH!
Wild WEEDLE was caught!
Ah, so that is what is supposed to happen...
Give a nickname to WEEDLE?
Hmm... Okay. Weed hill sounds better, anyway.
Maybe I can get some weed out of it...
WEEDHILL was sent to BILL's PC!
What or who in the name of John Madden is Bill?
BILL is a POKeMON COLLECTOR!
DID HE JUST STEAL MY POKEY MAN?
NARRATOR said NO!
VICK just needs to go to the POKeMON CENTER to RECEIVE IT!
Oh... alright then... but uh... what exactly is a Pokey center?
SIGH!
NARRATOR will SHOW YOU! 

Location: Fuchsia Pokemon Center

Woah... how did I get here?
NARRATOR transported YOU here!
Huh... Trippy... So uh, how do I get my weed?
NARRATOR said to USE the PC!
Uh... kay...
VICK used the PC!
Hmm... okay... Vick's PC... no. 
Oak's PC? Who the hell is Oak?
Ah, here we go.. Bill's PC.
Which BOX would you LIKE to ACCESS?
Uh... the first one?  
VICK has ONE POKeMON in BOX1!
Can I like... take it?
VICK withdrew WEEDHILL!
Touchdown! 
BATTLE used END!

Battle #30, Gym Battle
Location: Fuchsia Gym
Player: Rikks the Outlaw [10-5-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: CHARCOAL, UNDEADGATES, X-BOX)

Gym Battle..? Is that really the best titled you could think of for this battle?
YES!
Man... you're really starting to lose your creativity.
So uh... who is Fuchsia's Gym Leader, anyway?
NARRATOR doesn't KNOW!
Err... I can see that. Here I am at the gym, and there is nothing here but the void.
You should've really thought ahead.
NARRATOR cares not for your COMPLAINTS!
NARRATOR has DECIDED who the GYM LEADER is!
Well?
FUCHSIA GYM LEADER is VICK!
Michael Vick? As in, the character just introduced?
YES!
You're kidding me...
NOPE!
VICK appeared!
VICK wants to KNOW what he is DOING HERE!
... He doesn't even know he's the Gym Leader?
NARRATOR explains to VICK that he is the new GYM LEADER!
NARRATOR goes ON to say that OUTLAWRIKKS wants to CHALLENGE HIM!
At least this will be an easy win...
VICK wants to fight!
Alright then! I don't really know what to expect, so I'll send out Gates.
Go for it, UNDEADGATES!
VICK sent out WEEDHILL! 
Oooh! A Weedle!! I'm so scared...!
JESSIE appeared!
Uh oh! What do they want?!
VICK wants to KNOW who JESSIE is!
Jessie is a member of Team Rocket.
They like to steal people's Pokemon.
VICK is scared!
VICK doesn't want his WEEDHILL to be STOLEN!
Heh... you are new here.
Don't worry, Team Rocket never actually succeeds.
VICK said OH!
JESSIE tells BOTH OF YOU to HAND OVER all of your POKeMON!
...Erm.
So uh, Jessie... why is it that you don't even have Meowth or James to at least give you an illusion that you could possibly beat us?
JESSIE explains that they BETRAYED HER!
I see... so uh... yeah, you're dead.
JESSIE is angry!
JESSIE is SICK and TIRED of not being taken SERIOUSLY!
JESSIE wants to fight!
Well, now that that is taken care of, let's get back to our fight, Vick.
VICK isn't SURE!
Ally VICK wants to fight JESSIE!
Ally?
Ok, fine. We'll "deal" with Jessie. Even though she usually takes care of herself.
Ally VICK already has WEEDHILL out!
YOU already have UNDEADGATES out!
JESSIE sent out KOBRA!
Ooh... so your Snake has evolved. You still don't stand a chance.
Ally VICK said he is TIRED of these MOTHER-EXPLETIVEING SNAKES on this MOTHER-EXPLETIVEING PLANE!
Um... I think... that's the wrong black guy, narrator.
OH, NARRATOR KNOWS!
Ally VICK is AFRAID of SNAKES!
Don't worry... Just tell your Weedle to attack it.
Ally VICK refuses!
Ally VICK loves his WEEDHILL!
Who would've thought that Michael Vick would actually care about the creatures he forces to fight...
VICK ran away!
Oh well. He probably wouldn't be a big help anyway.
One on one it is.
Enemy KOBRA used POISON STING!
UNDEADGATES is poisoned!
Dang it. I hate that attack. It never does any damage but it ALWAYS seems to poison.
Whatever, use your Money attack! (This ought to be good)
UNDEADGATES used MONEY!
Enemy KOBRA was BRIBED to stop fighting!
JESSIE curses!
HAH.
JESSIE withdrew KOBRA!
JESSIE sent out JESSIE!
Hahahahahaha.... Gates, KILL!!!
UNDEADGATES used MONEY!
UNDEADGATES hired an ASSASSIN to KILL Enemy JESSIE!
Enemy JESSIE died!
Now that that's over...
VICK ran back!
VICK said THAT was AMAZING!
Bah... it was nothing.
VICK said you can have his GYM BADGE for your VICTORY over JESSIE!
I'd be honored.
VICK said its MAINLY due to him not wanting to DIE at the HANDS of YOU!
A common reaction.
OUTLAWRIKKS got the FOOTBALL BADGE!
Sweet.
VICK wants to JOIN YOU!
VICK wants to LEARN about this STRANGE UNIVERSE!
Eh, okay, sure. Why not....
...except for the fact that my alliances never seem to actually work.
VICK joined your party!
BATTLE used END!

FLARE VERSION Player Database

Rikks the Outlaw [11-5-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: CHARCOAL, UNDEADGATES, X-BOX)

Vikks a Lot [3-6]
(Pokemon Lineup: SQUIRTLE, SPEAROW)

Chris [4-2]
(Pokemon Lineup: FRENCHWHORE, BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON, DARKMAGICIAN [dead])

Yugi Moto [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: GAIAKNIGHT, SUMMONEDSKULL, KURIBOH)

Jr. Trainer [0-1, dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: SANDSHREW [dead])

Rikks' Mom [no record yet]
(Pokemon Lineup: CUTIEPIE)

Brock's Dad [1-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: GEOCITIES [dead])

Reece Benlier [3-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: TENTALES, LUCARIO [dead])

Jar Jar Binks [2-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: GUNGAN, CRYBABY, LUGIA)

James [1-3]
(Pokemon Lineup: KOFFING)

Jessie of Team Rocket [2-5] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: KOBRA)

Meowth [0-2]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)

Da Zombie Man [0-3]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)

Seto Kaiba [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: HITOTSU-ME-GIANT, JUDGEMAN [dead])

Random Pilot [no record yet]
(Pokemon Lineup: JET)

Robotor the Robot [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: MAGNEMITE, ROBOT [dead])

Schoolboy Danny [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: RATATTA)

Gym Leader Molds [no record yet] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: GLOOM, VILEPLUME)

Gymleader [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: GRASS [dead])

Grassly, Little Girl [no record yet] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)

Police [1-0]
(Pokemon Lineup: GUN)

Professor Oak [no record yet]
(Pokemon Lineup: PIKACHU)

Mr. Psychic [1-0]
(Pokemon Lineup: JYNX)

Old Woman [0-1] [dead]
(Poekmon Lineup: none)

Sabrina the Teenage Witch [1-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: FEMALEMR.MIME, KADABRA, ABRA)

Youngster Duggy [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: MAGIKARP)

Master Sorcerer [0-0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: MINOMAGE)

Death Star 2 Spaceship Rabid Monkey of Doom [1-0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)

Pizza Man [1-0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: CHEESEPIZZA, PEPPERONIPIZZA [dead], SAUSAGEPIZZA, MUSHROOMPIZZA)

Vikkz a Lot [0-1] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)

Cris [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: HISDAD [dead])

Pizaman [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: TOWER)

Vikks' Heart [2-0]
(Pokemon Lineup: POLICEDOG)

Michael Vick [1-2]
(Pokemon Lineup: WEEDHILL)

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