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Welcome to the blog of The Killer Nacho, known to most mortals as Timothy J. Sharpe, a Computer Science graduate of Messiah College and currently a Systems Analyst for Sunoco Logistics. Within this tome of pages, one will find my innermost thoughts about various things concerning things that I enjoy. These subjects include, but are not limited to, roleplaying, gaming, American Football (the NFL), things to do with computers, philosophy, movies that are awesome, TV shows that are awesome, my own writings and creative works, and dangerous Mexican snacks.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Pokebattles Flare Version, Battles 66-70: The Adventures of Supermon


 FLARE VERSION

Quite some time ago, I became enamored with a Pokemon parody known as Pokebattles (www.pokebattles.com) by Jason Ross. Much like others, I decided to write a few of my own, which turned into my own "Version", Flare Version. While a lot of it was amateurish due to my young age, I've decided to re-write it (and thereby improving the quality) and post it here on my blog for others to enjoy. You can get to the complete Flare Version archive here.

For battles 66 through 68, we get a secret look at the life of the newest hero in Flare Version, a super-hero named Supermon! If you haven't already figured it out, his secret identity is revealed as well as the every-day life and struggles and battles of a Super hero. It's not easy being a Super hero in Flare Version, after all, damn it! Finally, Rikks and the gang has an interesting encounter in battle 69, followed by a special battle originally written for Thanksgiving for Battle 70.

Narrator text
Player text
God text

Battle #66, Return of Cult Moto
Location: Lillycove City
Player: Special Vikks [7-7]
(Pokemon Lineup: WAR TURTLE, SPEAROW, WATERGUN [dead])

Sigh... why does nothing exciting ever happen around here?
YAMI JAMES and DOZENS OF PEOPLE appeared!
Oh good, the loser cult.
Still bored.
YAMI JAMES: Losers? You fool! Surrender immediately to our will! Our destiny!
Nah, I think I won't.
YAMI JAMES wants to fight!
DOZENS OF PEOPLE want to fight!
C'mon guys, we can take them.
Ally CHRIS wants to fight!
Ally PIZZAMAN wants to fight!
Although... we are still vastly outnumbered.
Hmm...
DANNY appeared!
Danny? Who the hell is Danny?
DANNY is a SCHOOL BOY!
Err... I see... New character?
NO, just NEGLECTED CHARACTER!
Eh, I'll take it. Want to help out?
DANNY wants to KNOW who YOU are and why you have a GIANT GASH in your CHEST!
Long story.
Helping or not?
DANNY tells you to HAVE NO FEAR!
DANNY adds that SUPERMON is HERE!
Um, who?
... And for that matter, I don't see anyone else around here.
DANNY asks you to EXCUSE HIM for a MOMENT while it makes an IMPORTANT PHONE CALL!
Sure... 
DANNY ran into NEARBY PHONE BOOTH!
Gee, I still can't seem to see Supermon anywhere...
SUPERMON emerges from NEARBY PHONE BOOTH!
Oh wow! How did that Danny kid know Supermon was going to be here?! He must've been some sort of psychic!
SUPERMON: Have no fear! Supermon is here!
Ally SUPERMON wants to fight!
This evens the odds a little!
YAMI JAMES wants to KNOW if the FIGHT can START, ALREADY!
By all means!
Although we seem to be missing that Danny kid now... He must've run away, that coward.
YAMI JAMES sent out WEEZING!
DOZENS OF PEOPLE sent out DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOON!
Let's go team!
Go, WAR TURTLE! 
Ally SUPERMON sent out SUPERMON!
Ally CHRIS sent out RALTS!
Ally PIZZAMAN sent out CHEESEPIZZA!
Alright... time to get this battle started off right!
War Turtle, Hydro pump!
WAR TURTLE used HYDRO PUMP!
Enemy ZIGZAGOON fainted!
Only one?!
HYDRO PUMP was TOO INACCURATE to hit MORE THAN ONE!
Lame.
Ally CHEESEPIZZA used TACKLE!
Enemy DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOON ate the attack!
Ally CHEESEPIZZA died!
Pizzaman, what gives! I expected more from you...
Then again, this is kind of what happens every time you battle so never-mind.
Ally PIZZAMAN sent out SAUSAGEPIZZA!
Hey wait a minute... where did Supermon go?
Ally SUPERMON flew up high!
Ooh! He flew away when no one was looking. Clever!
Ally SUPERMON used SKY ATTACK!
My lord... he's faster than a raging Slowpoke!
WEEZING was SMASHED with FISTS OF FOAM!
What an amazing super power! Fists of foam, oh my!
NARRATOR doesn't even KNOW if SPECIALVIKKS is being SARCASTIC, or NOT!
Um, what? Sarcastic? What's that?
NEVERMIND!
NARRATOR knows NOW!
Glad I could help!
Enemy WEEZING fainted due to BRAIN ANEURISM caused by STUPIDITY! 
That's odd... I didn't know Weezing was that stupid of a Pokemon.
NARRATOR gets BRAIN ANEURISM!
You too?
NARRATOR begs SPECIALVIKKS to simply GET ON with the BATTLE!
Oh, alright then... Well, things are certainly looking good for us!
YAMI JAMES sent out YAMI JAMES!
YAMI JAMES used MYSTIC POWERS!
YAMI JAMES MYSTICALLY shot SUPERMON into SPACE!
Woah! What a powerful attack! 
SUPERMON used BOUNCE!
SUPERMON bounced off the MOON and his FLYING BACK!
This is so cool! That's much faster than a raging Slowpoke!
SUPERMON used SKY ATTACK!
But it missed!
SUPERMON collided with GROUND!
SUPERMON fainted!
Err... nice try.
Ally RALTS used PSYCHIC!
Enemy DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOON fainted!
Its nice to have a Level 100 on our side!
DOZENS OF PEOPLE sent out DOZENS OF PEOPLE!
What now, James?!
YAMI JAMES used MIND CONTROL!
Mind control?! Oh no!
It does not affect SPECIALVIKKS!
Hah! My mind is immune to such things!
My mommy says it has to do with me being so special.
...
YAMI JAMES used MIND CONTROL... this time on CHRIS!
Oh no!
CHRIS was forced to FORFEIT!
YAMI JAMES wins!
Wait.. hey! I still want to fight!
NARRATOR is simply FAST FOWARDING a LITTLE!
SPECIALVIKKS was going to LOSE, ANYWAY!
But...!
SPECIALVIKKS whited out!
BATTLE used END!     

Battle #67, Technical Delays
Location: Secret Underground Laboratory of Secrecy in a Secretly Secret Location of which even its name is a Secret
Player: Schoolboy Danny [1-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: RATATTA)

You know, I think this Secret Underground Laboratory of Secrecy in a Secretly Secret Location of which even its name is a Secret makes a good location for our secret base!
RAMSLY agrees!
Why thank you, Ramsly! Turn on the Mon-Screen, let's see if anyone needs saving today...
RAMSLY: Right away, sir!
RAMSLY turned on MON-SCREEN!
Yay!
MON-SCREEN: You got mail!
Hm! This thing says I have mail!
RAMSLY: Its amazing what technology can do these days, sir.
Indeed! I can't wait to open it!
MAIL from TWO GUYS, ONE POKEBALL WEBSITE!
Um... so they were like, having a Pokemon battle or something? Let's open it.
MAIL was OPENED!
NARRATOR refuses to NARRATE its CONTENTS for the sake of the READERS!
DANNY however SEES the CONTENTS!
OH GOD! MY VIRGIN EYES!
RAMSLY: Pardon, sir. But I believe that e-mail is mine.
This is NOT what I meant when I said you could use my email address!
Uh, what are you doing?!
RAMSLY is UNBUTTONING its PANTS!
HEY! NONE OF THAT IN THE SECRET UNDERGROUND LABORATORY OF SECRETLY SEC... err.. whatever.
NONE OF THAT IN THE SECRET LAB!
RAMSLY: I am very sorry, sir! You see, it's that it gets lonely in here sometimes, sir. My only release is my private time with my darling Cooklie Bear!
Cooklie bear?
RAMSLY: Yes, sir! My teddy bear, sir.
RAMSLY sent out COOKLIE BEAR!
Err... looks like there's some stuffing falling out.
RAMSLY: Well, sir, I made that hole myself sir. It's for...
Actually, nevermind! I don't think I want to know!
RAMSLY: As you wish sir. I simply have fond memories of nights long spent with my Cooklie Bear, sir. Oooooh....!
HEY! I DON'T WANT TO SEE A REENACTMENT OF THAT EMAIL RIGHT NOW!
Just... do it when I'm not around, okay?!
RAMSLY: As you wish sir.
RAMSLY withdrew COOKLIE BEAR!
...And for god's sake, get your own email.
Anyway, now that we have that settled, Mon-Screen! Find people who need help!
MON-SCREEN: Searching for trouble! Please wait...
Hmmm...

Location: 2 hours later

Well?! Is it done yet?
MON-SCREEN: Trouble searching progress 45% completed!
Not even half done?! Why is this taking so long?!
RAMSLY: Well this is the MS model of Mon-Screen, sir.
... MS standing for what?
RAMSLY: Microsoft, of course, sir.
Damn it!
DANNY used PUNCH!
DANNY punched the WALL!
Okay... I feel slightly better now.

Location: 3 hours later

MON-SCREEN: Search complete!
FINALLY!
Let's see the results!
MON-SCREEN: Microsoft Mon-Screen has performed an illegal operation and must shut down!
WHAT!
Not the blue screen of death.... NOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
MON-SCREEN: Please reboot your Mon-Screen!
...
DANNY used REBOOT!
MON-SCREEN has been REBOOTED!
Okay... can I please get a list of civilians in trouble, now?!
MON-SCREEN: Searching for trouble! Please wait...
Grrrrr...!!

Location: 5 hours later

MON-SCREEN: Search complete!
Zzzzz... huh, what?
Oh, good! Mon-Screen, before you break down again... display the results!
MON-SCREEN: 1 Item found!
Okay what is it?!
MON-SCREEN: Microsoft Mon-Screen has performed an illegal operation and must shut down!
WHAT... THE... HELL! Screw this thing! 
DANNY used SMASH!
MON-SCREEN was SMASHED!
Ugh... Time to simply find trouble on my own.
MON-SCREEN: Displaying item...
Wait... it still works? HOW?
MON-SCREEN: Abduction in Evergrande City... Victim: Pokemon Trainer May... Suspects: Unknown...
10 hours for that?!
MON-SCREEN: Microsoft Mon-Screen has performed an illegal operation and must shut down! 
Yeah well... I don't care anymore.
To Evergrande City! But first...
What? DANNY is changing in a nearby PHONE BOOTH!
DANNY changed into SUPERMON!

Player: Supermon [2-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: RATTATA)

I bet no one saw this one coming!
RAMSLY: Oh... I'm coming sir... Ooooohhhh!
Err... what? I never said... OH GOD!
Time to make my heroic escape! Open the entrance hatch, Mon-Screen!
MON-SCREEN: You must reboot your Microsoft Mon-Screen for these changes to occur. Would you like to reboot your Microsoft Mon-Screen now?
Oh, god damn it. I'll just do it myself.
DANNY used STRENGTH OF A SPLASHING MAGIKARP!
It does not affect Enemy HATCH!
Gosh! Why did I put such a good lock on this hatch?!
HATCH doesn't have a LOCK!
HATCH is UNLOCKED!
Err... whatever, fine. Proceed your in your reboot, Mon-screen!

Location: 1 hour later

ARE YOU FINISHED REBOOTING YET?
MON-SCREEN: Reboot complete! Doors opening...
THANK GOD! 
HATCH opened!
Time to save May!
BATTLE used END!

Battle #68, Divine Censorship
Location: Secret Underground Laboratory of Secrecy in a Secretly Secret Location of which even its name is a Secret
Player: Ramsly [no record yet]
(Pokemon Lineup: COOKLIE BEAR)

Ah, good. Now that Supermon's gone, me and my Cooklie Bear can have our fun in peace!
SUPERMON is not HERE, but the NARRATOR is!
Excuse me, sir... but so?
NARRATOR refuses to NARRATE your ACTIONS with your COOKLIE BEAR!
NARRATOR would like to keep FLARE VERSION rated PG-13, TOPS!
Err... Please?
NO!
Pretty please?
NO!
Pretty please with a cherry on top?
For GOD's SAKE, NO! 
Whatever, you oppressive person! I will do so anyway.
RAMSLY turned on the PC!
Hmm... ah yes, here is my favorite website, here in my bookmarks... Hot All-Men 8-way... Mmmm....
PC used EXPLODE!
PC exploded!
Hey, I was using that!
Oh well, no matter. I'll just use this...
RAMSLY pulled out GAY PORN MAGAZINE!
Ah yes. This magazine is one of Cooklie Bear's and my favorites...
GAY PORN MAGAZINE EXPLODED, then IMPLODED, then EXPLODED again!
Oh, how rude! You'll pay for that!
HOW, exactly?
You discriminate against gay people! You're sick! This entire Version is a farce!
...
If you're really into making Flare Version appropriate and everything... shouldn't it be non-discriminatory?
NARRATOR has come to the CONCLUSION that it is PERFECTLY FINE...!
Good.. then I will carry on, then.
... to be DISCRIMINATORY against RAMSLY!
...I'm really beginning to get irritated at you!
THAT is MUSIC to the NARRATOR's EARS!
You don't even have ears, mister!
In fact, you're just a disembodied booming voice. Just how threatening can you be?!
RAMSLY was hit by a LIGHTNING BOLT!
I got hit with a bolt of lightning while... Underground?
Preposterous!
NARRATOR's GOD-LIKE POWERS allows it to HAPPEN!
Respectfully, sir, you are not God!
You're just an immature being who has come into possession of some very real powers. It is unfortunate that you have used these abilities for evil. If only you followed the path of Supermon!
NARRATOR disregards EVERYTHING you JUST SAID!
NARRATOR likes the IDEA of being GOD!
Of course you do, you're a maniac!
NARRATOR was renamed GOD for this BATTLE!
Oh great.
GOD: Fear me!! I'M A GOD!! AN ALL-POWERFUL GOD!!!
You've officially lost your mind.
GOD used EDIT!
You've officially lost your mind became a god.
Wait a minute, I never said that!
GOD will put RIGHT any MISTAKE you MAKE!    
Well gosh darn ya, Narrator!
GOD used EDIT!
Well gosh darn ya, Narrator God!
... This is going to get really annoying. 
THAT is the GENERAL IDEA!
Well, I'm still gay and there is nothing you can do about it.
GOD used EDIT!
Well, I'm still gay now straight and there is nothing something you can do about it.
This is so insulting!
GOD used EDIT!
This is so insulting fun!
God damn it!
GOD used DAMN!
GOD DAMNED IT!
Err... anyway...
THIEF appeared!
A thief?!
I knew it was a bad idea to leave the Hatch unlocked! Still, how could they find this place? It's so... secret!
THIEF tells you to GIVE it all your MONEY!
Oh god...! Oh god...!
GOD: Yes? What do you want?
Supermon's base is under attack... what to do... what to do... what to do!!
RAMSLY ran away... into WALL!
RAMSLY fainted!

Player: Supermon [2-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: RATTATA)

Hey Ramsly! It turns out that since the abduction happened like 10 hours ago, there wasn't much to do in Evergrande. So I decided to come back here to search for her using the Mon-Screen...
Wait a minute... Narrator, please explain... why is Ramsly naked on the floor unconscious while there is a Thief stealing my stuff?
GOD used EDIT!
Wait a minute. Narrator God, please explain... why is Ramsly naked on the floor unconscious while there is a Thief stealing my stuff?
Uh, what just happened?
DON'T ASK!
THIEF broke into SECRET BASE to STEAL STUFF!
WHAT? You fiend! Die!
SUPERMON used FISTS OF FOAM!
Enemy THIEF died!
Another villain brought to justice!
Now to locate May...
BATTLE used END!

Battle #69, Love Trigger
Location: Mossdeep City
Player: Flare Rikks [20-20-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: CHARMANDER, UNDEADGATES, X-BOX, LORD [dead], 1,000 UFOS)

Waiting for the Hoenn league to start in Evergrande City is getting kind of boring. I mean, there hasn't really been anything to do since we defeated Spanky.
I wish there was something to do...
TIME GATE appeared!
Oooh... so blue and flashy...
CRONO, MARLE, and LUCCA emerged from TIME GATE!
TIME GATE disappeared!
Well you don't see that any day.
Err... so what's with the gravity-defying hair, man?
CRONO: ...
Yeah, I'm talking to you...
LUCCA: To my understanding, Crono uses L'Oreal. Because he's worth it.
Um... why doesn't your friend talk?
LUCCA: It is my guess that he had some kind of traumatic event as a child. Possibly a result of one of my crazy experiments...
Um... okay...
LUCCA: It may sound like an odd question but... What is the current era?
Err... Pardon?
LUCCA: The date...
Not sure what you mean. I mean, it's not exactly clear in this universe...
LUCCA: Could it be? I don't recognize this place at all. Perhaps we have somehow dimension-shifted instead of time-traveled! This could be the greatest scientific break-through since... well, since I invented time travel!
Nerd.
SAL: Yeah, nerd.
SAL pissed himself!
SAL: God damn it!
... Anyway. And the other person with you is...
MARLE: I'm Marle! Nice to meet you!
Wa... wa.. wow, you're hot!
MARLE: Excuse me? Well you're quite "hot" too. Look at those flames coming off your body...!
MARLE used FLIRT!
MARLE WINKS and GIGGLES at you!
Pst... hey Sal, I think she likes me...
SAL: Pst... you have a towel I could borrow?
Pst... no.
MARLE: So... what's your name?
My name?
Uh... My name's Rikks...
FLARIKKS blushes!
MARLE: Nice to meet you, Rikks! Do you think you could show us around this universe, or era, or whatever it is?
Yeah... yeah, sure.
So uh... what do you want to know?
MARLE: For one thing... what is with that Red text, narrating whatever goes on here?
Oh that?
That's the narrator. He kind of narrates everything here. It's his thing. He also has god-like powers which allows him to bend reality to his will.
MARLE: Fascinating! Show me something else about your universe!
Well uh... I do have this.
Go, CHARMANDER!
LUCCA: What? Did that creature just come from that spherical object in your hand?!
Yup! Charmander is a Pokemon. In this universe we can capture them using these Pokeballs and use them to battle for us.
MARLE: It looks so powerful... I like power in a man...!
Aw shucks.. well, you haven't seen anything yet!
Charmander, use Flamethrower!
CHARMANDER used FLAMETHROWER!
LUCCA: Wow! According to my Sensors, this lizard monster has firepower greater than mine!
Yep! That's good old Charmander!
MARLE: So I'm wondering...
What about now?
MARLE: Do you think... *giggle*... do you think you, me, and your Charmander could go somewhere more... private? Alone?
Um... sure!

Location: Inside a random empty house in Mossdeep City

NARRATOR refuses to NARRATE what is HAPPENING!
However most READERS should be able to FIGURE it OUT!
What's so wrong about playing Patty cake?
...
NARRATOR will not ANSWER that QUESTION!
Anyway... Marle...?
MARLE: Yes, Rikks?
I think... I think I love you!
MARLE: Ew... go away.
Marry me?
MARLE: No way! Why would I want to marry some fatso like you?!
But.. you said I was hot!
MARLE: I meant your temperature. I just wanted to try something new... It was... disappointing.
You whore!
MARLE: Say what you want, but I will never marry you. I'd rather marry your Charmander!
CHARMANDER: Char?
That's cold!
MARLE: No, your Chamander is hot!
That's not what I ...
CRONO walked in!
Uh oh...
CRONO wants to KNOW why you are both NAKED!
Um... because we were... playing patty cake?
MARLE runs behind CRONO!
MARLE: Crono! He's attacking me with his Charmander! His Charmander burned our clothes right off!
Good save, Marle! I mean, that last part was technically true... but I didn't attack you...
MARLE: Enough lies! Crono darling, kill him, pretty please?
Oh that's bullcrap!
CRONO wants to fight!
Hmm, I understand now, Marle! You just want me to prove myself to you.
Well if you want me to get rid of your ex for us to be together, I shall!
MARLE: Hah! You don't stand a chance against Crono!
CRONO sent out KATANA!
Charmander, use Rage!
CHARMANDER used RAGE!
CHARMANDER is ENRAGED about not GETTING ENOUGH ACTION with MARLE!
Oh, you complainer.
Enemy KATANA used CYCLONE!
CHARMANDER fainted!
Ugh! That was a powerful attack!
No matter... I still have more Pokemon!
Get'm, UNDEADGATES!
Okay uh... why don't you try... hmm... breaking the sword somehow?
UNDEADGATES used DIAMOND SWORD!
Wait... since when do you have a sword made out of pure Diamond?!
UNDEADGATES reminds you he is BILL GATES and therefore has LOTS of MONEY!
Oh, right.
KATANA broke in HALF!
KATANA died!
HAH!
MARLE: Oh no! Crono! You have to win... for me!
CRONO sent out CRONO!
I already broke your sword! What can you possibly do without it?!
CRONO used LUMINARE!
UNDEADGATES fainted!
...Wow. That was pretty awesome.
Too bad your streak has come to an end! There is no way you can fight all of THESE!
Go, 1,000 UFOS!
Laser beam attack!!
1,000 UFOS used 1,000 LASER BEAMS!
CRONO was OBLITERATED!
CRONO died!
HAH! Bastard!
MARLE: Nooooooo! CRONO!!!
LUCCA appeared!
LUCCA: Aw, not again!
Well, Marle! It looks like I proved I am worthy! 
Want to marry me now?
MARLE: Crono... no... Crono... Lucca, do something!
Oh, so now I have to fight you, too?!
LUCCA: Screw this. I'm too smart to let that happen to me! 
LUCCA used GATE KEY!
Smart choice.
TIME GATE appeared!
LUCCA disappeared into TIME GATE!
TIME GATE disappeared!
Anyway... looks like you're stuck here.
MARLE: What?! Lucca just left me here?!
Yep. I guess you have no choice but to join me now...
MARLE: A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do to survive...
MARLE joined the party!

Location: The following night, at Campsite

MARLE is fast asleep!
She's so cute when she's sleeping...
SAL: Yeah, whatever. Hey, I need to buy some more Super Potions... can I borrow some money from our Party stash?
Oh... our party stash... uh....
SAL opened STASH!
SAL: Uh... where's all of our money?!
Okay Sal... now don't get mad but... I used the money to get Marle this!
FLARIKKS flashed the ENGAGEMENT RING!
SAL: You spent... almost one million Pokedollars... on a FAKE PLASTIC RING? For a GIRL WHO DOESN'T WANT YOU ANYWAY?!
What?! FAKE?? No way!
The cashier said this was 1000-carrot Gold!
SAL: There's no such thing as 1000-carrot Gold, YOU IDIOT! ... Uh...
Uh, what?
SAL: I'm just surprised the Narrator hasn't... well...
NARRATOR was GETTING to that!
SAL pissed himself!
SAL: Ah... there it is... 
...
Is SAL HAPPY now?
SAL: Not really...
Well... that was... different...
Anyway, tomorrow is Thanksgiving... so I'll give it to her then as a surprise!
BATTLE used END!

Battle #70, Turkey Day Adventures
Location: Camp outside Mossdeep City
Player: Marle [no record yet]
(Pokemon Lineup: CROSSBOW)

ALARM CLOCK used RING!
ALARM CLOCK is RINGING about!
Ugh... Go away!!
... So sleepy...
FLARIKKS: C'mon dear, get up!
...
Did you just call me "dear"?
MARLE woke up!
MARLE used ICE BEAM!
Eat ice, loser!
FLARIKKS: So... cold...!
You have three seconds to tell me what you want.
FLARIKKS flashed WEDDING RING!
FLARIKKS: Marry me?
For the FINAL TIME, NO WAY!
It's not like some fake plastic ring is going to change my mind.
MARLE used DOUBLESLAP!
It's super effective!
Now enough of this stupidity!
SAL woke up!
Aw, crap. Woke up the fat guy.
SAL: Guess what, everyone?!
This is actually one giant nightmare?
SAL: Close! Actually, it's Turkey Day! As in, THANKSGIVING!
Oh, great. That's just what you need... more food.
VICK wakes up!
VICK: What the...?
Now that we're all awake...
FLARIKKS used SOB!
FLARIKKS: ...sob... so... you won't marry me?!
...
Hey, Rikks, look, a butterfly! It may be a powerful Pokey Man, you better catch it!
FLARIKKS: A BUTTERFLY? Oooooooh! Where?!
MARLE attempts to RUN AWAY!
Thanks... you know, its a lot harder when you NARRATE IT!
NARRATOR doesn't CARE!
NARRATOR finds DELIGHT in your MISERY!
Sigh...
FLARIKKS: I still don't see that butterfly...
...
SAL: Let's eat!
Finally, a diversion from my cursed existence.
What do we have to eat, anyway?
SAL: Uhhhh....
Nothing?!
SAL: Rikks spent all of our money to buy you that fake plastic ring...
...
FLARIKKS: Butterfly!! Where ARE YOU...?!
...
Can I kill him now, Narrator?
It would have no effect!
Ughhhh....
VICK: Back in my world, in the great city of Philadelphia, we'd be poor. That means, we could go to soup kitchens and such. And get rich guys like myself to donate to us.
Well, we aren't in your homeland!
FLARIKKS: Where are you my precious butterfly?! Why do you not come to me?!
Well, one of you two should probably get our meal...
I don't trust that contradiction to Darwinism to catch a dog with no legs.
VICK: Say no more! I can catch a dog with no legs! All I need is an electrical outlet and...
OKAY! Please, say no more so that I can retain my small hope that you will find something decent for us to eat. Go, my hero and fetch a Turkey!
VICK: Say no more!
VICK ran away!
Mwahahahaah! Soon, my plan to rid myself of these fools will be complete...!
SAL: I'm still here, you know.
You heard nothing!
SAL: Kay.

Location: Mossdeep City Outskirts
Player: Michael Vick [5-4]
(Pokemon Lineup: WEEDHILL, ROTTWEILER)

Hmm... where to find a Turkey...
Wild TURKEY appeared!
That was surprisingly easy... go my trusted Pokeman!
Get'm, ROTWEILER!
Wild TURKEY used GOBBLE!
Oh no!
TURKEY: Gobble.
Gah! The gobbles! It will smite us all... NOOOOOooooooooooo!
Must... seek composure. There are those... depending on me... Rotweiler! Bite attack, now!
ROTWEILER used BITE!
TURKEY fainted!
HAH! 
That turkey thought it had me... oh no... it was probably trying to conquer the whole WORLD! The whole PLANET! I am likely a hero... perhaps the greatest hero this world has every known!
NARRATOR thinks that VICK is finally going CRAZY!
Crazy?! I'm not crazy!
There's nothing wrong me with me... there must be something wrong with the universe!!
...
Despite being CRAZY, VICK's statement is SURPRISINGLY CORRECT!
HAH!
Anyway... I better get this Turkey back to my friends...

Location: Camp outside Mossdeep City
Player: Sal [4-6]
(Pokemon Lineup: EMPEROR SLAKING, RAICHU [dead], DITTO [dead], ONIX [dead], TORCHIC [dead])

VICK returned with TURKEY!
MARLE: Finally! And it's already cooked! How did you manage that?
VICK: Oh it was nothing... just used an electrical outlet with a...
Uh, let's forget the logistics... Let's eat! 
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
FLARIKKS: Where is that god-damned butterfly?!!
MARLE: Keep looking...
...
SAL pissed itself!
GOD DAMNIT!
BATTLE used END!  

FLARE VERSION Player Database

Flare Rikks [21-20-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: CHARMANDER, UNDEADGATES, X-BOX, LORD [dead], 1,000 UFOS)

Special Vikks [7-8]
(Pokemon Lineup: WAR TURTLE, SPEAROW, WATERGUN [dead])

Chris [7-4]
(Pokemon Lineup: FRENCHWHORE, BLUEEYESWHITEDRAGON, RALTS, DARKMAGICIAN [dead])

Yami Yugi [1-2-1] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: GAIAKNIGHT, SUMMONEDSKULL, KURIBOH)

Jr. Trainer [0-2] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: SANDSHREW [dead])

Rikks' Mom [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: CUTIEPIE)

Brock's Dad [1-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: GEOCITIES [dead])

Reece Benlier [4-4-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: THREETALES, LUCARIO [dead])

Jar Jar Binks [3-4-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: GHOST)

Yami James [4-5]
(Pokemon Lineup: WEEZING)

Jessie of Team Rocket [2-6] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: KOBRA)

Meowth [0-3]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)

Da Zombie Man [3-5-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: LUGIA [dead])

Seto Kaiba [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: HITOTSU-ME-GIANT, JUDGEMAN [dead])

Random Pilot [no record yet]
(Pokemon Lineup: JET)

Robotor the Robot [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: MAGNEMITE, ROBOT [dead])

Schoolboy Danny [1-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: RATATTA)

Gym Leader Molds [1-1] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: GLOOM, VILEPLUME)

Gymleader [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: GRASS [dead])

Grassly, Little Girl [no record yet] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)

Police [1-0]
(Pokemon Lineup: GUN)

Professor Oak [1-2]
(Pokemon Lineup: PIKACHU)

Mr. Psychic [1-0]
(Pokemon Lineup: JYNX)

Old Woman [0-1] [dead]
(Poekmon Lineup: none)

Sabrina the Teenage Witch [1-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: FEMALEMR.MIME, KADABRA, ABRA)

Youngster Duggy [0-3] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: MAGIKARP)

Master Sorcerer [0-0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: MINOMAGE)

Death Star 2 Spaceship Rabid Monkey of Doom [1-2-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)

Pizza Man [2-1-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: CHEESEPIZZA [dead], PEPPERONIPIZZA [dead], SAUSAGEPIZZA, MUSHROOMPIZZA [dead])

Vikkz a Lot [0-1] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)

Cris [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: HISDAD [dead])

Pizaman [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: TOWER)

Vikks' Heart [4-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: POLICEDOG)

Michael Vick [6-4]
(Pokemon Lineup: WEEDHILL, ROTTWEILER)

Sal [4-6]
(Pokemon Lineup: EMPEROR SLAKING, RAICHU [dead], DITTO [dead], ONIX [dead], TORCHIC [dead])

Mike "Mark" Crotch [no record yet] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)

Flare [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: DEMON [dead])

Grim Reaper [1-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: DEATH [dead], PERSIAN)

SmarterChild [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)

Champion Lance [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: DRAGONITE, GHOSTDRAGON, LANCE [dead])

Ronald McDonald [1-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: FRIES, SODA, BURGER)

Goku [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: KRILLIN, GOHAN, MEOWTH)

Lord Janus [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: OZZIE, SLASH, FLEA)

Referee [0-1] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)

Webmaster Killer Nacho [Too many wins to display here]
(Pokemon  Lineup: none)

Professor Birch [1-0]
(Pokemon Lineup: SHOTGUN)

Dozens of People [2-2]
(Pokemon Lineup: DOZENS OF ZIGZAGOONS)

Pokemon Trainer May [no record yet]
(Pokemon Lineup: MUDKIP, SWELLOW, RHYDON)

Spanky the Clown [1-4]
(Pokemon Lineup: URANUS, 9,000 UFOS [dead])

General Generalicus [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)

Munchkin [0-1] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)

Supermon [3-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: RATTATA)

Ramsly [0-1]
(Pokemon Lineup: COOKLIE BEAR)

Thief [0-1] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: none)

Crono [0-1] [dead]
(Pokemon Lineup: KATANA)

Marle [no record yet]
(Pokemon Lineup: CROSSBOW)

Lucca [no record yet]
(Pokemon Lineup: GUN)

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